


Crazy Plus One

by icexandxcool (fandomvision), lilchicmama



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anna Marie is used as a plot device, Blood and Gore, Fluff, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Smut, NSFW, So is Inez (Outlaw), Suicidal Thoughts, Unbeta'd, Wade's insecurities, cartel massacre, mentions of brutally rough sex, we're not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomvision/pseuds/icexandxcool, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilchicmama/pseuds/lilchicmama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Goblin Nation has fallen. The Avengers have been fully debriefed on Peter's predicament with the so-called "Superior Spider-man" though they seem wary and loathe to forgive him entirely just yet. Otto Octavius is gone from Peter Parker's body and mind... but is he really? Peter's mind has been strained to its limits. He's starting to think he's hearing voices. Who better to go to than the one person who might actually understand that? The one person who would forgive him anything? Deadpool will know how to cope... or at the very least... misery loves company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Plus One

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written as a Tumblr RP thread, and we just wanted to compile it here for the ease of reading for our followers from our blogs [ http://wadeypoo.tumblr.com and http://redweboffate.tumblr.com ].
> 
> The HTML for the boxes is courtesy of: http://teekettle.tumblr.com
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes. I've proof-read it multiple times, but it is unbeta'd.

Avengers Tower was quieter than usual tonight. Peter sniffled and curled his legs tighter to his chest. He was vegged out on the couch in one of the million rec rooms on one of the upper floors…he didn’t even remember which one. It didn’t matter anyway. Even Thor was much more subdued than usual. All on account of Peter Parker’s horrible, no good luck. Everyone was tiptoeing around him, treating him like glass. He hated it…and was kind of grateful for it at the same time.

Steve had tried to talk to him, saying that he understood what it was like to be taken apart and put back together, but Peter had just rolled over and mumbled something about muscles and perfect teeth, and Steve had sighed, patted his shoulder and left him alone. It wasn’t that Peter was insecure. For a nerd, he was well-built, slender, lithe and with his radioactive-spider-given abilities, kind of graceful. But Steve…was Captain America. Nuff said.

Bucky had tried talking to him, and by talking to him Peter really meant that Bucky had sat stoically by his side for about fifteen minutes of silence then patted his hip through the blanket he was balled up in and told him, “Tough break. It sometimes gets better.”

And then he’d left.

Peter appreciated the effort.

Tony had offered to buy him things if he would stopped flooding the Tower with his tears. Peter had tripped him a little on his way out with a well placed webline on Tony’s ankle and a little tug after Peter refused to even speak to him for that one. It was just a little trip. Tony didn’t even actually fall. But Peter’s “plea” was heard loud and clear none the less: “Please leave me alone.”

After that, no one bothered him. That had been yesterday. Peter had only gotten up to use the facilities since then. He wasn’t really hungry, hadn’t been for days despite his hypermetabolism, and while he had a few bottles of water around him…he hadn’t touched one in almost twelve hours. He just kept unlocking his phone screen, staring at the piled up messages (numbering eighteen at present in the little note circle on his voicemail icon), and dreading having to actually listen to the rest of them. He’d already listened to twelve. Three more had come in while he’d been slowly, painstakingly doing that. Nearly all of them were from Anna Marie. A girl who didn’t even know him… but thought she did. A few had been from MJ, calling to talk because she’d been briefed by Captain America of all people on what had happened and she thought they needed to mend things between them.

Peter…wasn’t up for that.

Doc Ock had been right. More right than Peter wanted to admit.

_Of course, I’m right, Spider-man. You know by now that I’m a genius above and beyond you. A better Spider-man you might be, but I am the better scientist._

Peter sat bolt upright with a gasp and looked around. His spider sense was quiet. The room was still.

 _Doc?_ he thought, but was met with only silence.

It was possible that there were lingering traces of Otto in his mind…but it was more likely that he was just imagining the voice in his mind out of guilt. This had been happening a lot in the weeks that had followed the defeat of the Green Goblin and the crumble of Goblin Nation. Peter would hear whispers in that too familiar voice at the edges of his hearing, knowing it was all in his head. He was just having trouble coping….he just…he couldn’t shake the feelings of “what if it’s not just my imagination and guilt and it’s really him? what if he comes back and takes over again? what if next time I’m not so lucky?” Not to mention the looks he got when he spaced out or snapped at the air over his shoulder a harsh “enough” or “shut up” before he caught himself.

“I know you don’t want to.”

Peter had just laid down again, pulling the blanket over his head and was about to swipe his phone screen open again when Steve’s voice filtered in from the hall. Peter froze. Were they talking about him?

“He’s Canadian. Let Canada deal with him. Fuck, call Wolverine. They get along in their weird ‘who can do the most damage to the other’ thing... kind of way.”

That was Tony, and they were definitely not talking about Peter.

“Canada….doesn’t really have a task force equipped to deal with him and you know it.”

With who? Peter wondered, a slow dawning glimmer of…something blossoming in his chest. He knew who they were talking about. They were talking about -

“Deadpool is too much of a loose-canon to entrust to amateurs, Tony, and you know it. He’s leaving a trail of destruction in his wake that’s starting to rack right up alongside the Holocaust and -”

“Cuz you take personal exception to anything encroaching on the horrors of that time period, I know. At least he’s taking out drug dealers and third world guerrilla soldiers that rape women and children right now. If he takes it any further north…we’ll go. Okay?”

Tony was walking away and Steve was clearly trailing him. “Tony, lives are lives. Some of those soldiers are just following orders.”

Peter didn’t linger to hear the rest. He left his phone dying on the end table, abandoned the blanket that had been his home for the last three days on the floor in front of the couch that had been his world for the last week and launched himself out of the open window, weblining it shut behind him as he swung toward his apartment. He could suck it up and gather a few supplies before taking off for South America. Hopefully, none of the women he was avoiding would be camped out anywhere near his doors.

———-South America———-

Wade wasn’t hard to find. Thank god. Peter had just asked a local in broken Spanish which way to the death and the man had pointed him towards the distant rata-tat-tat of automatic gunfire. Swinging through the jungle took a skill set that Peter was glad he had. Dressed in costume on the off chance that there were any people still standing - the gunfire had stopped fifteen minutes into his journey - Peter made his way tree to tree. Fire was his first indicator that he had found Wade. The merc was pulling his sword from the guts of a young man who lay dying on the ground, drowning in his own blood. Peter landed on the hood of a nearby military vehicle and crouched low.

“Quite the day you’re having,” he shouted over the roar of the fire. Wade didn’t even turn around, just lunged for the next militant fool. Peter launched himself into action, kicking the guy out of the way of Wade’s katanas, twisting to avoid them himself, which then turned Wade’s attention to him. Peter stayed low as he waited to see if Wade was with it enough to recognize him yet…or if he’d be playing squash the spider until he could reach into the haze of mad-grief-ridden-rage.

“Wade?” he asked warily, voice raised to be heard. Surely Wade would recognize him…right?

The flash of red and blue was familiar, but right now he didn’t care about how that was so. He just cared about the fact that it was getting in his way. The way the newcomer had dodged his katanas was interesting might even make things a little bit enjoyable. It was fun to kill, but killing someone who actually posed a challenge was better. He spun his katanas around showing off his power as well as tightening his grip on the blades before lunging at the agile bug in his way.

Every swipe, and slash was evaded with ease, and Wade found himself cackling hysterically, giddy with the excitement of an opponent worth his time. He tossed one of his katanas like a spear just barely missing one of the Webslinger’s feet…

[Wait. Webslinger? Where did that come from? I think we should pay attention for a second here.]

{ **Muahahahaha!** Squish the bug! Squish ‘em good! Stab ‘em, impale ‘em, cut ‘em into tiny little pieces… }

[Crap… Well, I’m not going to be the only sane one in here.]

For a moment there was only the sound of television static in Wade's head.

[Who the fuck is getting in our way!? Cut off his head already! This is boring!]

“Fake it ‘til you make it, White…” Wade hummed happily as the loud bang of gunfire echoed around him. With his now katana free hand he had scooped up a semi automatic from the ground. One of the stupid militia guys had dropped it… probably when Wade had cut off the poor guy's arm but details… who gave a crap about them really? He was now firing at the Spidey wanna be in-between swift slashes of his sword. With the added speed of the bullets he was actually getting a few shallow cuts in now.

Once the magazine was empty he tossed the gun aside and a sick manic giggle escaped his lips, “Your fun! This is fun!” he exclaimed before breaking out into song.

 _You know I feel there’s something ‘bout to break now_  
_You know I feel there’s a city here to take now_  
_And it’s not so tough for these ordinary hands_  
_When we trust someone with extraordinary plans_  
_You know I feel this heart’s about to break now_  
_‘Cos I can see what the devil’s trying to take now_  
_We’ve got this leather backed book and a freedom cry_  
_And we’re an army of God who are ready to die_  
_You give us hope where hope is gone_  
_You fill the streets with a holy song_  
_We're gonna paint this big old town red_  
_Oh, here we come_  
_Here we come, here we come_  
_You know I feel this sky’s about to break now_  
_You know I feel our city’s gonna shake now_  
_And we hear You call every woman, every man_  
_Ring the mission bell and storm the gates of hell_  
_Miracles run from street to street_  
_Rise up Church for a holy meet_  
_We're gonna paint this big old town red_  
_Gonna paint this big old town red_

His voice was gravely and rough as he belted out the lyrics to an obscure song that was obviously supposed to be uplifting. When Wade sang it though there was something strangely menacing and broken about the words. Him using a severed hand as a mic while standing with his back to a raging fire wasn’t helping much either. He had pretty much forgotten about his opponent though in favour of the performance.

Peter had barely breathed the mercenary’s name before Deadpool was on him. Peter couldn’t hardly get a word in edgewise, just “Wade!” and “Deadpool stop!”, while he dodged, dipped and evaded every slash and as many bullets as he could. Now his own suit was in bloody tatters and he was being psychotically serenaded by the very man trying to kill him.

“Damn it, Wade,” he groaned risking a glance at the split of flesh in the outside of his thigh. He could feel something inside him, something brittle and fragile and already cracked, starting to cave and it snapped just as the mercenary lost himself in his own concert. Peter lunged feet first both of the balls of his feet slamming into the center of Wade’s chest. The makeshift “mic” went flying, webbing slamming both of the mercenary’s hands to the ground, one still clutching one of the Merc’s katana. There he perched, crouched with his hands on Wade’s shoulders. He might have broken a few ribs, or at least cracked Wade’s sternum, but he’d be fine. Peter…wasn’t. He wasn’t fine. He might never be fine again.

“ **STOP!** _Please_. Stop.” Desperate to be heard, to be seen and recognized, Peter wrenched the mask from his face only just then realizing that he was…crying. Fuck, life just wouldn’t give him a break! “Wade! There’s only enough room in this world for one crazy superhero with a motor mouth at a time and it’s apparently my turn, so please…” he sobbed, screwing his shut and trying to catch his breath. His fingers tightened in the bandoleer of ammo over Wade’s left shoulder and the nicked up leather strap over Wade’s right shoulder that held his katana sheaths to his back, knowing Wade would probably try to kill him anyway and almost not caring, waiting for the powerful torso beneath him to flex, for those heavily muscled thighs or calves or ankles to grab and throw him… even as he dropped from his tippy-toe crouch to straddle Wade’s stomach on his butt instead. “I need to talk to you…” he sniffled. “I need you…”

[Ow.]

{Rude.}

[No. Seriously. It’s hard to breath.]

Wade gurgled and choked on the blood bubbling from his just punctured lungs as his opponent sat on top of him. He stared, white-masked eyes wide, at the familiar blue and red clad man. The desperate way he was pleading for Wade to stop was stalling his brain. There was something too intimate in the way this man… boy… kept addressing Wade.

{Boy… _**Baby Boy?!**_ }

Yellow provided the right answer just before Petey pulled off his mask, tears streaming out of his big doe brown eyes.

Then the words falling past those sweet pink lips pushed past Wade’s crazy. His heart swelled as it often did in response to the younger man, and he let the tension drain from his muscles. The fight and insanity melting away as his sternum healed. He was internally beating himself up for not recognizing Peter, for not realizing the state of his friend sooner. His crap filled life was one thing, the world shit on him all the time. It wasn’t supposed to shit on Peter though. Not anymore…

He had been trying to kill Petey, when the Wall-crawler had come to Wade for help - which was it’s own ball of scary because who came to Wade for help unless they were really desperate. Thank god Spider-man was just that good because Wade coming out of this most recent bloody haze to find Baby Boy dead at his hands would not have been good for the multiverse. He was getting lost in the minor details though. His fucked up circumstances could wait. He was awake, and Spidey needed him.

“Baby Boy, I’m awake. I’m here now. Sorry you got voicemail there for a bit, but it’s me now… What happened?”

And that was it. Wade’s recognition of him, when he might not even fully be himself, was the last straw. Peter sobbed hard and dropped his head on his shoulders, tears flowing freely. He’d found probably the only person in all of the multiverse who would truly understand the lingering ghosts in his mind. He’d been deleted, but copied first, then eventually reinstalled like he was nothing more than software. 

Peter couldn’t seem to stop crying now that he’d started. He felt violated to his very core, like his very essence had been raped and dragged through the mud. He didn’t dare try to speak yet, not until this tidal wave of emotion had passed. God, this was embarrassing, but… justified. He wasn’t too manly to cry or whatever it was the more macho types said when they addressed their emotions directly. He just hadn’t felt safe enough to let lose all of this pent up anguish. But here, with a crazy mercenary surrounded by a raging inferno and lots of death, Peter just unloaded his agony because once he could finally explain Wade would understand. Of that, Peter had no doubt

Wade automatically made to wrap his arms around Spidey when he crumpled forward into his chest, but his wrists strained against web. He wanted to huddle Peter into a tight embrace, but instead he could only grunt, frustrated for a moment before he flicked one hand this way and that, eventually freeing up a small hidden blade. He made quick work of the webs now that he had something sharp to cut them away with. One hand was free now so, he tossed the blade to the other hand and wrapped his free arm around the heaving shoulders of his hero.

All the while that he worked he cooed small encouraging and soothing words into Peter’s ear, “Hey now… it's okay. Whatever’s going on we’ve got this. I’ve got you. Hey, Petey. Baby Boy, it’s okay. Sweet cheeks… Deep breaths now okay? Calm down, sugar. It's okay. Shh… It's all going to be okay.”

The slew of pet names flowed easily from Wade’s lips as he struggled to find the right thing to say. He usually didn’t do comforting. He wasn’t really a comforting presence so he rarely got to play the part. He tried his best though and as the sobs started to calm he figured he was doing an alright job. Once his other hand was free he pushed himself and Peter up into a sitting position his lap full of Spider-man as he hugged the smaller man tightly. He took in his surroundings, the smell of burning flesh, the slight iron taste to the air, and shuddered with disgust. He had gone full on monster mode.

They needed to find somewhere better to talk. The middle of this chaos was probably not helping calm Peter’s already frayed nerves.

“Hey, Spidey? You… you up for swinging? We should get out of here before the fire traps us. We can… I have a hotel room in town. We can go there.”

By the time Wade was free - thanks to all of Wade’s babbling too - Peter had finally gotten a handle on himself. Gross as it was, he swiped at his eyes then his nose before nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go.”

Wade was right. If they didn’t go now they might not get to. Leaning away from that solid chest was the hardest thing right then, but he got his legs under him and stood, stiff and shaky, pulling his mask on with unsteady hands. Then he offered one to Wade while his other hand snapped out. A white line lashed from his wrist, snagging the hilt of Wade’s thrown katana and pulling it into his hand. He offered it to Wade. “C'mon.”

Strangely enough, he felt a bit better already. Nowhere near 100%, but better than he had in weeks. Funny, how there was sometimes just that one person who made everything better just by being there. It wasn’t even that Wade’s life was always so much more messed up than literally anyone else’s. It was just… something about Wade and his unyielding adoration of Spider-man (and Peter Parker once the Merc had come to know that the two were one in the same) that gave Peter just a little hope that no matter what he would have someone in his corner. The Avengers were tolerant but leery, he didn’t know what to do with MJ and he really didn’t know what to do with Anna Marie not to mention every other aspect of his life…but Wade? Wade he knew how to deal with. Even when the man was going ape-shit, Peter could deal with Wade.

Wade stayed seated as Peter slowly, reluctantly moved away and found his footing. Deadpool watched the Webslinger with sharp eyes through white lenses, trying to piece together what would have caused his hero to come so undone. There was something unsteady about Peter that was usually so firm and unshakable. The realization caused rocks to form in Wade’s stomach because he was no anchor. How could he possibly help Peter in his current state. Why had Peter come looking for him?

[Must be bad.]

{ **Real** bad… I mean who goes looking for **Deadpool** to fix emotions and things? }

[Desperate people, that’s who, and I don’t like it. I don’t like Spider-man being that desperate.]

“Agreed guys…” Wade mumbled before leaping into the air so that he came to stand next to Spidey as he held out his katana. He took it and sheathed it quickly the memory of slashing at Spider-man with the blade too fresh in his mind to continue holding on to it. “Bedtime babies… you’re in time out now for cutting up our pretty Baby Boy…” he hummed cheerfully but there was that usual edge to his humor. That underlining ‘I’m going to hurt myself as badly as I’ve hurt you’ that almost nobody actually hears… or maybe they just pretend not too because he was beyond saving. Either way it was there for somebody to find.

He didn’t want Baby Boy to focus in on that now though. Right now was about Peter and what he needed. So Wade made grabby hands at Spidey and somehow managed to contort his masked face into pleading puppy dog eyes. “Do I get a Spideyback ride?!?!”

Unable to resist, Peter huffed a chuckle, bowing his head and covering the eyes of his mask with one hand. His amusement screamed from the shake of his shoulders. He shifted his weight from foot to foot for a moment and then dropped his hand turning his back and bending his knees in anticipation of the merc’s weight. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Wade Wilson was uniquely able to pull Peter out of a funk like no one else. Even at her sweetest, or even her attempted funniest, MJ hadn’t even been able to ease Peter’s suffering like this idiot in a similar (but not the same by any means) mask. “Just keep it PG so I don’t swing us right into any of the tree trunks okay?”

The fire was getting hot enough that Peter was starting to feel like he’d stood too close to a campfire for way too long. It was definitely time to go.

{Score one for the **Wade-meister!** }

[I have to admit… making the kid laugh was pretty smooth.]

Wade air pumped as even the voices congratulated him on a job well done. Nothing was better than getting Baby Boy to crack a smile or even better a giggle. It really was the purpose of Wade’s existence when he was with Peter. Once he was given the go ahead, he leapt onto Peter’s back with a loud, “Yippee yi kiyay! Ride ‘em, Spider-man!”

For the full effect Wade swung his arm around as if he had a hat in hand, trying to make Peter laugh again before they took off swinging. It worked and he was rewarded with a warm chuckle that rippled through Peter’s chest reaching Wade as he held on tight to his friend. Now that the fun and games were mostly over he leaned in close and placed his chin on Peter’s slender shoulder, nuzzling in contently. The gesture was more for Petey’s comfort than his own. He was still here, and he still had him. Everything was going to be alright.

It didn’t take Peter long to clear them of the fire and then the forest. He had them back in town and at the Hotel Wade had pointed out in no time. Swinging really was the way to travel. Peter tucked them into the alley way that had a fire escape that looked about ready to fall off the wall and Wade started climbing despite the warning creaks. “Third floor. C’mon, Webhead. Let’s get in there and get naked. Our suits reek something fierce.”

Peter chuckled and crawled right up the wall until he could follow Wade right into the window. Once through, he pulled his mask again and straightened then sniffed at his sleeves. Wade was right. They reeked of blood and charred flesh and death. “You’re right. This place wouldn’t happen to have a washing machine…y'know, never mind. It washes better by hand. I can do yours too while you uh…clean your guns and swords. And maybe…maybe while we do this stuff…I can tell you…what happened.”

It took three hours to get both suits and all of Wade’s weapons clean. Peter had finally fallen silent for the last half hour of it, feeling raw and flayed open. He’d told the tale in parts a number of times already…but this time, as he stood there at the small kitchen sink scrubbing at the bloodstained Kevlar of Wade’s suit in nothing but a towel, Peter told the whole thing, left no detail unsaid until he’d finished. Now he waited…letting Wade digest (at least he assumed Wade was digesting the info behind the humming and the mutterings to White and Yellow) the information while he tried to maintain his composure.

{We should ask if this doc has been whacked yet! If not, **we** should do it… **fucking bastard!** }

[Agreed. Which… I kind of feel dirty now. How dare this Doctor Octopus make me agree with _him_! ]

Wade had tried his best to ignore White and Yellow well Peter talked, but it was hard. He agreed with most of what they were saying, and his self control was holding on by a sliver. He wanted to go slice this asshole of a doctor to pieces for Petey, but right now Peter needed him here not running off on a revenge quest. It would come later.

“Later guys…” he hummed affirming his determination to murder this scum and appeasing the voices that their dirtiest fantasies on how to hurt this asshat octopus guy would be enacted to the finest details. Apparently arguing with his voices over doing the revenge thing now or later had taken a while. Peter had been silent through most of it, an eerie understanding coming from the smaller man. It broke Wade’s heart a little bit to recognize the signs of someone who understood his torments. It wasn’t as bad… only the one time, he tried but his mild assurances don’t make him feel much better for Peter.

One time was enough. He pulled his mask off having left it on through this whole thing afraid of his reactions. He had worried they might trigger Peter in some way… that they might come across as inconsiderate when Peter needed indifference. He couldn’t hide now though. He had to be as transparent as possible. He ran a hand over his scarred head as he heaved out a long rough sigh.

“Damn! Baby Boy… if that isn’t a fucking shit storm. I get it now. Why you came to me… I mean, I’m generally not the first pick for comfort, but I understand what it's like feeling broken and wrong. Like you can’t trust your own thoughts. I bet no one has said it yet… those damn do-gooders just don’t get it… act like you are out of commission now… like your wires got crossed… so let me. You are not broken. You are not wrong… You are not some messed up back up of Peter Parker. You are now and forever Peter Parker… and however that ends up looking from now on… if it’s slightly different… well duh you were body snatched… whenever you go through something big and new you grow and change as a person…. this isn’t because of the science this is because this is what people do… Got it?”

The scritch-scritch of the scrub brush over the reinforced body armor of Wade’s suit slowed to a stop as Peter listened. Wade was right. No one - not one of the Avengers or even his usual crew - had gone out their way to say simply “I know you’re still you, Peter. You’ll get through this.”

Peter bowed his head for a long moment. Eventually, he laid aside the brush, rinsed his hands and dried them, then made his way to settle on the tiny couch beside Wade. And by settle he opted to go with the more descriptive verb of collapse. Throwing his head back on the backrest of the couch, Peter let his hands fall limp in his lap.

Wade had waited in relative silence - well silence for him because there was still the odd comment or chuckle in response to something the voices said but he was trying his best to keep quiet - until Peter was done thinking. It felt like it was taking forever though and Wade was slowly starting to go crazy… crazier. Then Peter moved away from the sink and came and sat down right beside him. Still sporting nothing but a towel.

“Wade,” Peter murmured and then lolled his head to the side to look at the mercenary. “No one gives you enough credit. Not even yourself. And…I think maybe it’s time we changed that at least a little bit.”

Peter wasn’t stupid. He’d known forever, since the very first time he and Wade had met (because it wasn’t like Wade had tried to keep it on the down low), that Wade Winston Wilson was a HUGE Spider-man fan. It was ridiculous. It was unnecessary. It was so very Wade that honestly Peter didn’t believe he could see things any other way looking back. So perhaps they could be what each other needed, at least for a little while.

“Let’s team up. We’ll go back to New York. Wreak a little havoc…avoid the Avengers…eat pizza, bust heads, prank Dare Devil…or…try anyway…What do ya say?”

Having Spidey’s warm skin so close to his own bare skin was overwhelming. They were both rocking towel gear as their clothes were being washed. Peter had practically fought Wade out of his gear, assuring him that his scars did not gross him out. He almost believed him now, because no one ever got this close to Wade… especially while his skin was on full display, but there Peter was barely an inch away from Wade.

Suggesting absurd things like a team up. He wanted a knife so he could stab his leg because no way was this real. His real world didn’t work out like this. Spider-man doesn’t show up needing him, and then relying on him, and then asking him to team up. That was impossible. There were no nearby sharp objects though because he finished cleaning his weapons a while ago, and Peter had forced him to lock it all away in the bedroom. So instead of stabbing himself, he turned to Peter, the disbelief clear in every curve of his expression. “Petey… is this real or fake?”

His voice was not it's normally strong and loud self. There was a weak vulnerability to it as he questioned his reality. He was putting all of his faith in Peter, knowing that Spider-man would tell him if this was some mindfuck dream because he was a hero and heroes don’t lie.

Peter’s brow furrowed for just one second and then his expression softened.

“Oh, Wade…” he sighed and sat up, twisting so that he could look Wade right in the eyes. Expression unflinching he gave Wade a good hard stare down and stated in no uncertain terms, “Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool, I - Spider-man, sometimes known as Peter Parker - am inviting you to hang with me, bust some villain skulls with me, and to just generally bro-hang with me while I work out my shit life…and maybe we can work on yours while we’re at it. Unless that makes you uncomfortable and then…maybe we can try to Yoda approach: I seek you out when I’m feeling the crazy and maybe you can words of wisdom that shit back in its box. Or…something. I was going for tough, but that just sounded ridiculous.”

He offered Wade a lopsided smile and reached out, clapping a hand to the top of Wade’s shoulder. “Deal?”

{Did Spider-man just **propose** to us?! }

[I don’t think that’s what he meant…]

Wade’s eyes shifted upwards and over his shoulder in that way they sometimes did when he was paying attention to the voices. He scoffed and shook his head before finding Peter’s big brown eyes again. His hands fluttered to his chest as he said like a damsel, “Proposing so soon sir. I do declare! A lady of my upbringing could never do something so rash…”

Deadpool dropped the act and snickered, but the laughter was awkward and a little shy.

“Like that I would… Pete.” Wade added after a moment to let the joke and following laughter drift away. The Yoda wording purposeful. A definitive line saying that Wade wasn’t okay wading through his life, but he was happy to help Peter.

Peter chuckled and shook his head. Oddly enough Deadpool-speak was close enough to Spidey-speak that Peter was relatively fluent. “Alright then. It’s settled. We’re Team Red until…well, we don’t want to be any more.”

His hand slid from Wade’s shoulder, and he lowered his gaze to his hands as he folded them in his lap. “I just…everything is so…messed up. I wasn’t really me, but the world doesn’t know that. Hell, the Avengers are struggling with it. I don’t know that they’ll ever trust me again. I try so hard…all the time…to do the right things. And it always backfires on me.”

Taking a deep breath, Peter let it out in a long sigh then flopped back into the couch completely with his head on the armrest so he could stare at the ceiling. He still didn’t know what to do about Anna Marie or MJ, but…at least Wade wouldn’t judge him no matter what he decided to do in the end. “Hey, Wade? Do you think I’m crazy if I wanted to just leave things with MJ the way they are now? No romantic interest. No non-powered woman holding me back with the fear of her getting hurt somehow, which has happened anyway. A lot. Despite my best efforts.”

Wade had to swallow down his desire as the lithe defined body of Spider-man was spread out on the couch right beside him in nothing more than a towel. The kid really had no self preservation. It was the content of Peter’s words that really helped Wade to focus on anything but the hidden bulge beneath his own towel. He swallowed again a little worried his voice would come out huskier than the moment implied it should.

He managed well enough as he affirmed Peter’s feelings by saying, “I wish I could tell you that I knew it wasn’t you, but I didn’t actually see you at all while this guy went all body snatcher on you. You stopped showing up for our occasional taco meet-ups, but hey, that happens. I wish I had looked into it more for you. I know it's you now though. Hey, the past is the past, Petey. Hakuna matata.”

Wade patted Peter’s thigh lightly, but instantly regretted the contact and pulled his hand back like Peter was on fire. Skin to skin contact was not a good idea. Was his suit clean yet? Could he put his mask back on?

He didn’t wait for an answer from the voices. Instead he just pulled his mask on over his face before his expression could give him away. As far as crushes go this one he had for Peter was bad, and it was only getting worse with the kid coming to him for help, breaking him out of that murderfest when no one else could have.

Then the kid started talking ex-girlfriends, and Wade wanted to curse his lot in life because he didn’t want to encourage Peter back into MJ’s arms. He didn’t want to do wrong by the kid either though so with a heavy sigh and a heavier heart he said softly, “You gotta do what feels right, Peter. If things feel too awkward or hard with MJ then don’t go back to that, but reclaiming some of the things you lost because of all of this might not be a bad idea either. Though it isn’t crazy. I think with your line of work having a significant other that could actually handle themselves might be safer…”

It really wasn’t a pitch for himself because he wasn’t a voluptuous redhead or blonde… definitely not Petey’s type, but hey, a merc could dream right?

{ **Hellz yes** , he **can**! We will definitely be using this towel-n-pose **perfection** later! Let me tell you! }

Oblivious to Deadpool’s plight, Peter folded his hands on his stomach and shuffled down a little snuggling his shoulders into the couch. He huffed a little bit of rueful laughter, and then he hummed. “No. MJ and I have been done for a long time. Maybe…maybe some day we’ll be friends for real and not this ridiculous and cliché tag-along ex-boyfriend, too-kind-too-tell-him-off ex-girlfriend thing, but ultimately, I need to…to just leave it the clean break it is. Octavius actually did do me a favor there.”

Idly Peter scratched a little at the skin just below his navel and above the edge of the towel. “I just don’t know what to do with Anna Marie. I don’t really know her. She definitely doesn’t know me, but she thinks she does. She’s nice from what I can tell, but… I’m not Otto Octavius. I can’t do the whole…suave and romantic thing. Not like him. She’s going to hate me, and I can’t explain things to her. I would call the loony bin on me if I started spouting the crack talk I just gave you a minute ago. I have to end it with her, and just like everything else I’ve had to clean up since Doc Ock took over my body, this is going to suck. She’s probably filled my voicemail box by now. Makes me kind of glad I left my phone at the Tower when I split for South America to find you.”

The hand idly dragging his fingertips over his lower abdomen stilled, and Peter sat up just enough to look at Wade for a moment. Then he sat up all the way and reached out, grabbing the Merc by the shoulders. “I’m going to run something by you, and you can absolutely, totally, one-hundred percent say no…okay? But I just had an idea to get away from Anna Marie. You see, she’s a little possessive. Kind of clingy. Octavius could totally handle that, got off on it, whatever…but she’s like…almost Venom levels of weirding me out - yes, that’s an exaggeration, but just stay with me - and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t give her the real reasons for me bailing because she’d either cause me all kinds of grief, or…she’d ignore me and I’d be right back where I’m at. Did I tell you I already tried to break it off with her like three separate times and failed? Like…she thought I was kidding once, then she just told me to stop being a wuss and to man up, to own my problems…and then she ignored me, so I holed up in Avengers Tower where there was no way she could find me. God, I sound like a coward, but women…I’ve never been good at dealing with them. Even after MJ and I were dating for like a couple years, I was still this…awkward manchild about some things. By the way, I never said that. Forget you ever heard it. Look! Wade… I need to spin this so she’ll believe me and to do that I need a collaborator. I’m not telling the chick I’m about to piss off that I’m Spider-man, but I will happily tell her I’m bi because I am. It’s just never come up. I can tell her that I fell in love with one man who went off to fight in some war somewhere… and now he’s back! And I don’t want to miss this chance because you…are going to show up at my school, in full costume for all I care, and - are you still following me? Wade?”

Big brown eyes studied Wade’s face, searching for any sign that the Merc had been able to follow his convoluted ramblings so far. Peter was praying hard that Wade would agree. That their friendship was at least strong enough for Peter to invoke that ridiculous Bro Code and ask this crazy thing of his crazy friend who was trying to help Peter contain his own crazy life…and Jesus that was enough crazy to populate a massive asylum all on its own.

{Seriously, if he moves another **inch** we will get full frontal **nudity**! }

[Can we get our minds out of the gutter… and get back to thinking of ways to mutilate this Octopus-man?]

{Oh my **god**! His hand… Look at where his fucking hand is!! }

[Seriously… Wait. Okay...that **is** a little distracting… ]

{Cover up our hard on! Cover it up **now**! }

[He’s right - hands! Fold our hands in our lap. Do it now.]

{Aw crap. I think he’s talking about something _important_ …}

[We should really focus, but Peter’s ex-girlfriends are not a favorite subject of ours.]

{ **WAIT!!!** Who is this Anna Marie chick? I thought **MJ** was our competition?! Now we have **another** broad encroaching on our Spidey-babe?! }

[I think he wants to break up with her though.]

{ **Oooooh** … Well, that’s okay. He should definitely do that.}

[Now he’s rambling. God, he’s lucky he’s so pretty. He talks a lot.]

{ **HOLD UP!** _Pause_. **Seriously** : pause right there. He just asked **us** to be his fake ex-boyfriend… that is what just happened, **right**? }

[Are we sure this isn’t a mindfuck? Because this is approaching too good to be true, and we all know how well that turns out for us…]

{Shh ...he’s stopped **talking**! I think we need to say something… }

[Yeah, good luck with that. We’ve been the only ones in here for a while now.]

{Yeah, but we don’t do the talking. He has to wake up. The kid is looking at us all expectantly… and oh, wow… his hands are on our **shoulders**. We hid our boner right?! }

[Why is the kid so touchy-feely? Doesn’t he realize that he is literally breaking us?!]

“Whatever you need, Petey,” Wade finally managed to squeak out between White and Yellow’s constant chatter. He had been glad for it a moment ago because his brain had broken when Peter’s long fingers had slid across his own skin above that precarious towel. Now though he wished they would shut up so he could think. They weren’t helping any longer.

“Getting the crazy girlfriend off your back by being your pretend ex-boyfriend who you wanna date again… I can do that. Though I don’t think she’ll believe you-” Wade gestured at Peter as he pushed up off the couch, and then turned his back to Peter as he finished. “-ever dated someone like me.”

Wade’s shoulders hunched forward slightly as he continued his retreat. He needed clothes like yesterday. He mumbles something as he disappears into the bedroom of the small hotel room, “I’m all for skinship, but I’mma pass out from lack of blood flow to my brain soon…”

Peter blinked at Wade’s back as he left. He’d gotten a yes, but Wade had seemed... reluctant? Peter sat up the rest of the way and swung his feet to the floor. Wade had spaced out pretty hard there for a minute, the voices obviously too loud. How Wade dealt with that on a day to day basis was unfathomable. Peter was going bonkers with just one little whisper ghosting through his brain every once in awhile.

“Skinship? Blood flow?” Peter muttered, then froze. Wade was… aroused? By what? Peter looked down, took in the freckles and moles, the long, lean musculature and then touched his own cheek with coarse fingertips. Maybe…this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he had better think of something else…

^But what else is there? And he agreed, so it’s fine!^

Peter blinked, eyes sliding left. Perched there was a little **Spidey** with a flame over his head, bat wings and even a devilish little tail all washed out in tones of red. He stared, wide-eyed for a long moment. Certainly, when he’d been young, just into his powers and learning to deal with the decisions a superhero often had to make, he’d envisioned the cons of any situation doled out by this little fellow. And the pros -

(Clearly, something isn’t right. Deadpool seemed… broken. Maybe we should really think this over.)

Peter’s head snapped around and widened brown eyes took in the blue-toned little Spidey on his right shoulder with the cute little halo and fluffy little wings. Peter swallowed hard, but Wade finally stepping out of the bedroom jerked his almost panicked attention back to the real world around him and the little guys just poofed out of existence.

“Wade!” Peter laughed, sounding a little manic, but only just. Maybe. “Hey! Clothes! That’s a great idea! Mind if I borrow something?”

He was already mostly past the Merc and into the bedroom. “Thanks! Just… so much! I…just need a minute.”

^And then we need to talk….^

The little Devil-Spidey’s voice echoed in his mind and before he realized it, he’d said exactly that same thing. Peter gave Wade a small shove to his hooded sweatshirt clad shoulder and then shut the door firmly so he could root through Wade’s civvies. Everything was going to be too wide on him, but he needed clothes for this next part of this little ruse.

And when had he just decided that this was good idea still?

Angel-Spidey remained silent.

Wade had emerged from the room rocking a pair of baggy grey sweatpants that were obviously a favorite, a branded Deadpool t-shirt, and sweatshirt. He took in Peter’s expression with a focused gaze most never suspected him to have. He was a very good mercenary, not because he was crazy, but because he was good at acting crazy when he was actually paying very close attention.

There was something panicky about Baby Boy, and the voices immediately supplied Wade with his worst fear: that he was the cause... but Peter came right up to Wade and breezed past him with ease. He even lightly shoved Wade’s shoulder. So he was pretty confident that for once he wasn’t the cause of this particular problem. So, he reran what Peter had said before disappearing to get some of his clothes to wear…

[Oh, that’s going to be bad.]

{Or **good**... depends on your perspective. }

Wade shook his head roughly trying to refocus. There wasn’t anything in particular that was odd about what Peter had said. The whole needing to talk thing was worrying, but Peter would be dressed and out here in a few minutes and that would get cleared up. So no need to worry now.

{So stop worrying then…}

[Yeah, that’s gonna happen. I bet he saw your **boner** and has to talk to you about inappropriate boundary crossing. ]

{Ew... I **hate** those kinds of conversations. It's not like we went all **Edward** and watched him sleep… }

[We have done that before remember.]

{We were **never** caught! }

Wade groaned as he collapsed onto the couch feeling a little defeated. “Guys, seriously… I can’t even think with you going on like that. Petey needs our help, so can we dial back the crazy for a bit?”

[Fine.]

{ **Fine.** }

Peter ended up grabbing up a pair of drawstring pants and a t-shirt that didn’t have stains on it. He always ran hot, and they were in South America, so he forwent socks and anything else, and took a deep breath. He knew what they need to do…he just hoped Wade saw the logic in it and didn’t bail out on him.

Re-emerging into the small anteroom of the little hotel room, Peter shuffled into view. The Spideys were quiet - thank God - and he cleared his throat to get Wade’s attention.

“The suits should only take a couple hours to dry in this heat,” he started. “Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes.”

And then he took two steps forward and awkwardly made himself sit right there next to Wade. It was unlikely that Wade would hurt him. It was a fifty-fifty shot that Wade would just get up and bail back to crazy town out there in the jungle...or he could just go with the flow. Peter was never sure…statistics weren’t conducive to understanding Deadpool.

“So…uhm…I said I wanted to talk…” he winced. “Oh-kay, that sounds terrible. Look…I just want this to work. I mean…I appreciate that you’re even here right now, like you wouldn't believe and …yeahp…” Peter popped the P at the end of that and then sighed, covering his face. Why was he such an awkward person? Why couldn’t he be…at least a little more confident? He was Spider-man for goodness sakes! And it was just Wade!! Wade liked Peter. Peter knew this… Letting out a shaky sigh, he finally got out, “I think we should practice…y’know? So we can really sell the familiarity… make it…believable.”

Could Wade understand him through his hands? Probably not. Straightening he finally got out, “I think we should practice being a couple before we have to go pretend we aren’t a couple any more but a couple that still wants to be a couple…or be a couple…again…or whatever…so that we’re believable.”

Wade stiffened slightly as Peter came over and sat right beside him. He tried his best to shake himself free of the rigid posture. Leaning deeply into the back of the couch, Wade spread his arms out over the backrest. His fingers brushed against the wild strands of the back of Peter’s hair and he clenched his hand reflexively to keep himself from reaching out and stroking the soft brown locks.

As he pushed himself to relax he notices how nervous and awkward Petey was being. He hummed a warm, “No problem, Baby Boy…” but trailed off into a silent contemplation as Peter continued to ramble on about something. Wade wasn’t quite sure he understood what that was exactly yet though. There was something about Petey being glad Wade was here for him and that caused a smile to blossom beneath Wade’s mask.

“Anytime…” he hummed but his words didn’t pierce through Peter’s rambling as he kept going around in nonsensical circles. There was some hand mumbling, and Wade had to have heard that wrong, but then Peter pulled his hands away and said it again. Nope, he’d heard right and how the hell could he say no to that? Though how much practice were they talking here… and also it was going to get pretty obvious that Wade was super into Peter. 

Wade eyed Peter through the corner of the eye holes in his mask, the angle of his face making it look like he wasn’t even looking at the young man. When wasn’t he looking at Peter though?

“I don’t know if…” his voice cracked and he felt so very manly right now thanks to that but he forged onward. “I mean… I’m down. Who wouldn’t be? Have you seen you? ...but you really think you can kiss me like you want me?”

Peter looked over and studied Wade for a moment. He took in the tension in every line of the merc’s body, the nerves jangling so clearly in Deadpool’s voice, the uncertainty in his friend’s words…

Then Peter pushed to his feet, wriggling his bare toes on the area rug beneath the couch and turned to face Wade.

“Well,” he murmured and stepped up, pushing down the fluttering in his stomach and shoving the whimpering wreck of a nerd that was usually him far back in his mind. Hands that could lift construction machinery without straining, settled lightly on Wade’s shoulders. The muscles there were thick, sturdy, and Peter leaned on them as he swung first one leg up and then then other, planting his knees on the couch on either side of Wade’s hips before settling his posterior in Wade’s lap.

“I don’t see why I couldn’t,” he finished, voice low and still thoughtful. Light fingers stroked the edges of the lower part of the mask where it rested on Deadpool’s neck. “May I? Only halfway for now. I know how uncomfortable you’d feel without it right now.”

Honestly, he felt ridiculous. Deadpool didn't need to be babied. Not that that was what Peter was doing. This was a trained and seasoned killer and here Peter was treating him…Peter’s brain stalled…like a decent human being who needed their boundaries respected. Maybe this was a good idea after all. Maybe this would do them both a little bit of good.

(Now you’ve got it.)

Angel-Spidey whispered into Peter’s right ear,and Peter shook his head to clear it, cracking his neck a little before leaning in nose to nose with Deadpool’s masked face.

“Trust me?”

Wade swallowed hard as Peter got up off of the couch and stood in front of him. He shifted slightly in his spot, trying to fight off the butterflies in his stomach, and his eyes drifted down to Peter’s bare toes as they wiggled in the rough carpet. It was a cute little gesture of nervousness, which helped ease some of Wade’s nerves. For at least five seconds until Spidey sat in Wade’s lap. The firm grip of Peter’s hands on his shoulders had not been enough warning that that was where things were heading.

He waved his arms out at his sides not sure where to put his hands. Where would be appropriate or okay. The warm tone to Baby Boy’s voice as he assured Wade he could do this helped Wade find a place for his hands, the Merc laying them lightly on Peter’s waist. His fingers tapped lightly, one by one, on Peter’s back. He was fidgeting, feeling it out, making sure that where he’d put his hands was okay.

Then light touches of fingertips were on his skin just by the edge of his mask, and his own fingers still. His whole body tensed even more if that was possible. Petey didn't just pull his mask off though, instead hovering on the edge of removing it, and asked Wade’s permission first. It hurt to hear him ask something so simple, something that most people never bothered with.

It wasn’t a bad kind of hurt but a good one, chiseling out chunks of the wall he had built around himself. There was a whisper and a glimmer over Peter’s shoulder that caught Wade’s eye for a moment, but he shoved it aside quickly because this was more important than the crazy creeping up on him.

Also Petey was leaning in towards him, and he smelled so good despite the earlier fire and blood clinging to his hair and skin. That was distracting enough to wash impossible, invisible things away for now at least. The small way Baby Boy asked Wade to trust him cracked off another big chunk of the once impregnable wall. Wade jerked his head up and down, rubbing their noses together in a mini-Eskimo kiss. The motion also silently answered Peter’s request for trust.

He knew that his friend would wait for words though so in a too small voice he added softly, “You're my hero, Spidey. Course I trust you.”

Peter’s heart pinched at that tone and his smile went a little lopsided. “Thank you, Wade.”

He was nothing but genuine as he slowly rolled the mask up. It was a touch awkward from that angle since he was more used to rolling up his own mask, but he got it seated comfortably over Wade’s nose, and then planted a palm gently to either side of the the merc’s face. Even that little bit of revealed skin was a mess of scar tissue and raw spots. He had seen places on Wade’s body that were covered in necrotic flesh and sores of all sorts before, and he was thankful that right now wasn’t one of those times. He wasn’t repulsed by them, but he wouldn’t want to hurt Wade or… well, kiss something he shouldn’t for lack of a better way to put it.

“Okay?” Peter asked, because this would be their first kiss, and he wasn’t into anything other than one hundred percent consensual good-touch, so he was taking a minute to search those expressive white eyes on that familiar mask. He knew his own eyes were warm and comforting, belying the storm of nerves and terror inside him. Peter couldn’t believe he was actually doing this. That Wade was letting him do this. It was insanity, but then again… it was them.

Gentle wasn’t something Wade was used to. His consent being important and necessary was also new and foreign... but so very good. The whole thing screamed impossible and too perfect to belong to him. Every once in awhile White would pop in and point out that it was just practicing for pretending and eventually it all would come to an end. Then Yellow would chime in and say enjoy it while he could, and Wade couldn’t help but agree.

He sucked in a sharp breath when his mask was rolled out of the way and rested carefully on the bridge of his nose. A slight shiver ran down the length of his spine as Peter laid timid but pleasant hands on either side of his face. He hadn’t expected such a heavy romantic air to surround this “practice”. Was that just Peter or was it about making this as real as possible? Either way Wade supposed it didn’t matter, but a quiet rarely acknowledged part of his heart wished that this was actually like this, that Peter was making this special for him, because it was him.

The small questioning ‘okay’, double-checking that this was all okay made Wade’s lips quirk slightly upward. His sweet Baby Boy. The perfect gentleman. The deep rich brown of Petey’s eyes scanned back and forth looking over Wade’s face. The very warmth of Peter’s soul was reflected in the dark iris, and Wade licked his lips in preparation for what was to come next.

Peter had made enough of the first moves tonight. Wade figured it was about time he manned up a bit. Holding a little firmer to Peter’s waist, he leaned forward brushing the side of his nose along Peter’s and bringing their lips a hair’s width apart. His eyes, which were angled down towards those perfectly pink lips, shifted up to lock with Peter’s eyes again.

“Baby boy?” he asked because he wasn’t the only one who needed to be sure.

There was something about that moment. Peter had expected warmth, sure. He had had a soft spot for the Merc for some time, mouthy man after his own heart when dealing with the bad guys that Deadpool was, but there was something charged here. Something that had Peter grabbing - gently - to the sides of Wade’s head like some Peter was some princess in a Disney film and pulling Wade in for the kiss. Peter made sure to tip his head at the last second because the last thing he wanted to do right then was break Wade’s nose on Peter’s face. How embarrassing would that be?

Wade’s lips were a little textured. Peter was a bit surprised because you couldn’t see those scars just looking at him. That quickly faded into the background though, when the kiss started to really get…heated. Peter wrapped his arms around Wade’s neck, actually enjoying the differences in their build. Wade was broad and heavily muscled, not so much so that he couldn’t pass for normal on the street, but where Peter was lanky and lithe, Wade was broad and…thick. He realized then that he could actually feel Wade’s erection pressing into him, and he shivered. He had fooled around with boys before, knew that he was in no way adverse to the idea so much as he hadn’t been enticed by anyone in particular - well, Johnny Storm, but that was universal and could get awkward considering their broship - but this…oh, Peter could get used to broad calloused hands, thick, solid thighs, heavy ropes of shoulder muscles…

“Mmm,” the content, pleased noise was out before he even registered it beginning and a few more soon followed as the kiss continued.

The way Baby Boy melted into the kiss had been unexpected, the kiss lasting past chaste and then venturing into hot and heavy had been a wild fantasy that wasn’t supposed to see the light of day. Wade didn’t think this was real all over again because there was no way he wasn’t dreaming this. Though he was pretty sure his imagination wasn’t quite that good. Arms were wrapped around his neck pulling him in closer, and Wade’s breath was catching, being panted out rather than slow and steady. 

Sweatpants were not a good choice now that he was in this situation. If he had successfully hidden his attraction before there was no hiding it now. With Baby Boy in his lap kissing him like he wanted him - really honest-to-god wanted him - there was no way to fight down his arousal. His cock throbbed hard against Peter’s thigh. His hips bucked up without his consent because Baby Boy had just moaned against his lips. He took that plump bottom lip of Peter’s between his rough scarred lips and sucked then nibbled teasingly before pressing a soft butterfly light kiss against Peter’s lips. His fingers dug dangerously hard into Peter’s hips as he grunted his own hips rocking roughly against the contact of Peter’s strong legs.

[This is supposed to be **practice** for fooling that chick. That's all this is. You’ve proved it’ll work out. Unless you want to traumatize Baby Boy you should probably stop. He’s acting. He doesn’t actually want you. ]

Leave it to White to be the party pooper. Voice of reason sucked… well, voice of negative mean-to-Wade reason. Wade pushed Peter out of his lap and to the side with a strong but careful shove. He turned away from Baby Boy panting hard and rough as he tried to calm himself down. He didn’t want to sound needy, hungry, and wanting, but he felt all those things. He felt like he had just tasted forbidden fruit and nothing afterward was ever going to taste as good.

He pulled down his mask in more ways than one before he saying a little too chipper, “Good practice. I’d say we will totally have the bitch fooled. Don’t you think?”

Peter sprawled on the couch where Wade had pushed him and blinked. He was panting, and he was hard, so his blood wasn’t flowing in the right direction. Things had been going so very well and then - right. Practice. Shit.

“I uhm… ahem,” he cleared his throat and then huffed. “Uhm, yeah. Yeah, we’re…good. Thanks.”

He felt a lot like a dejected puppy, rolling slowly to his feet off the couch and moving towards the balcony door. If he were any other person, he wouldn’t risk going near that balcony, rickety as it had looked. But as Spider-man, the most the balcony could do was collapse under him like his sense of self just had. How would that be any worse than suddenly realizing you’re totally hot for the most unlikely person on the face of the whole damn planet?

Well, not true. He always used to admire Pool’s physique before they became reluctant compadres and now they were friends…and there were lots of other people Peter would sooner cut off his dick than sleep with…but really Peter? Wade?

He was lost in thought for a moment, mentally poking at this latest development, when he heard little Angel-Spidey’s voice.

(And why not? He’s a good man under all that massacre… and you know it.)

Peter sighed, “Yeah.” and backed up until he could wall-crawl backwards up the side of the hotel a bit then sat there, staring out at the smoke of the massacre in the distance and the setting sun. What the hell was he going to do with himself?

Wade shifted on the couch bending one leg and laying it over the couch’s seat cushion as the other dangled down to the ground. His shoulders were bent inwards as he crumpled into a ball away from Peter. The defensive posture doesn’t stick for long though because Peter was getting up, walking away, and then escaping through the balcony door. Wade watched him through the corner of his eye.

Once Peter was out of sight he looked down at his throbbing erection and moaned a soft, “Goddamn it, what am I supposed to do with you?!” 

Peeling his mask back, Wade dragged a hand over his face. A hysterical laugh bubbled its way past his lips but it sounded more like a sob than something joyous.

{I wonder how long this whole fake boyfriend thing is gonna last… we should milk it.}

[Yeah milk it and then when its over we’ll blow our brains out until we forget about how he felt or tasted…]

{Ooh, that sounds like a plan.}

Wade grunted at the voices and pulled his mask back down to cover his face. Then he leapt over the back of the couch like an animal - more graceful than a human - and headed for his room. He packed up his bag and disappeared out the front door before Spidey could return. He’d be there back in New York but right now… right now he couldn’t be anywhere near Peter or he’d do something he’d regret. He’d hurt the young man with his uncontrollable desire. He’d get it figured out before Peter arrived home though. His Baby Boy needed him, and he would do whatever it took to get his head on straight enough to help.

\-----New York International Airport-----

Wade stood decked out in the classic limo driver suit and hat an obnoxious sign in hand with rainbow colored letters than spelled out ‘Peter Parker’. He watched the line of people file out of arrivals and beamed when he saw his Baby Boy come around the corner worn out backpack slung over his shoulder. He waved the sign and shouted like a one direction fan girl.

“Baby Boy! Petey!! Over here!!!”

Peter, weary and jet lagged, looked up and spotted Wade via sound first, then visual. He smirked. It had been a long flight with only the shoulder Spideys, now more than happy to pop up whenever he had even the slightest dilemma, for company. Dragging his feet, he moseyed right up to Wade and offered him a tired, heartfelt smile.

“Hey, Wade,” he greeted, sounding exhausted. He’d spent the entire flight fighting with the Spideys as to whether or not Wade would show. Peter had wanted to put full faith in him. Angel-Spidey had been on the fence and Devil-Spidey had been insisting that they should have just stayed down in South America, renamed Rio de Janeiro **Spideyton** , and called it good cuz who was Anna Marie anyway? “Thanks for picking me up.”

Wade lowered his make shift sign just below his chin and grinned wide through his mask. The fabric stretched in that special kind of way it did to really emphasize each expression he made. “Heya, Baby Boy. Man! Do you look like a sack of shit.”

He hummed in that too cheerful tone he often used when he was deflecting then spun around on his heels and wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulders before resting his head atop of Petey’s head as he led the smaller man out to the parking lot.

“C’mon your chariot awaits. Let’s get you to a bed. We’ll plan out operation fake boy toy once you get a good night’s sleep.”

“Wade…..” Peter’s tone was amused, affectionate and warning. “We’re not calling it that.”

“Well, seeing as I’m the boy toy in this mess, I think I should at least be able to name the operation… it’s only fair,” he snickered back at Peter’s dismissing of his brilliant name. He won’t really fight over it though he’ll just do what he always does. Call it that anyways.

Peter was forced to push the sign out of his face, Wade’s typical deflection including annoying the hell out of whomever he’s dealing with, which in this case entailed a sign with his name on it ending up right in his face flapping in the wake of the displaced air from their walking. Peter finally pulled the sign from Wade’s grasp and took a proper look at it, trusting Wade not to let him run in to someone, and then he groaned. 

“Glitter, Wade? Really? Glitter. We’re going to be brushing this stuff off us over and over again for decades now. Uhg.” But there was a tiny smile hidden beneath the glitter-angst and the fatigue. Wade was still on board…just like Peter had known he would be.

Wade’s beautifully crafted sign was so suddenly kidnapped, and the Merc sighed dramatically at the criticism.

“No one appreciates art anymore,” he said more to the empty air in front of him then Peter. Then he gently nudged Peter’s shoulder this way and that leading him through the crowd until they came up to a limo that had quite frankly seen better days. There was something distant to his touches though. Like he was only touching Peter when necessary and only enough to not be suspicious. He opened the passenger side door for Peter and gestured for him to sit down.

Hoping to lighten the mood - and get Wade talking - Peter eyeballed the limo and then looked over at Wade. “Dare I even ask where the jalopy plus came from?”

Peter was very aware that Wade was trying to be good here. Good at what or how this particular behavior constituted as good… well, Peter wasn’t sure, but he was sure that Wade was trying, and he wanted to make sure that Wade knew that Peter appreciated that effort. “I mean, thank you, for picking me up and for the ride home and everything. And for going along with this ridiculousness because I just… can’t… with Her. Uhm… would it be too much trouble to ask to stop at one of the local cell phone places? So I can get a new phone. I called Cap from a payphone down there, and he said the Hulk kind of wrecked mine where they’d had it charging for me.”

Wade just shrugged in response to Peter’s first question and the second one got an answer once he slid into the driver’s seat. “Course, Baby Boy. Whatever you need. You should probably get a whole new number once you fully break up with this chick. She seems a little stalkerish. I mean she was dating one of your main big baddies in disguise, and if that doesn’t scream bad news I don’t know what does,” Wade hummed thoughtfully as he pulled away from the curb.

Wade turned on the radio and sang along to the Taylor Swift song that came on. His hands tapped loosely along with the beat against the steering wheel and there was a stiffness to the direction he was looking. He was being an attentive driver, which was good, but also unusual. They stopped and grabbed the new phone for Peter, and manage somehow to Tetris the limo through a taco drive through before ending the little trip at Peter’s house.

“You have my number and I’ll stay in town now… so just call when you need me. I’ll be around.” Wade sing-songed to Peter as he put the limo in park on the street in front of Aunt May’s old house. Obviously not intending to stay or at least thinking he wasn’t invited to.

[Don’t you think you’re making your avoidance a little too obvious?]

{ **Yeah**! What if Anna Maria is **waiting** for Petey? We should really go and check… You know? Make sure. }

Wade looked upwards and ground his teeth frustrated. “He’ll call if he needs too. He doesn’t want me around. He wants to sleep…”

Sometimes Peter had to wonder if those boxes were clever or just…crazy annoying. Peter smirked and reached out, laying a hand on Wade’s forearm. “Hey. C’mon in. No sense in you staying somewhere else. If I say you needed a place to stay…she might not try and stop by. I uhm… It’s not much, but you can stay in my old room, which was converted into the guest room. Aunt May lives in an apartment now because it’s easier on her…but she wanted me to live in the townhouse… and uh… sorry. I’m rambling. Stay with me? The voices… kind of hit their stride while you were gone…and I’d rather not be alone with them.”

Sometimes listening to the nonsense made a lot of sense with Deadpool. Peter fell silent finally and waited for Wade’s answer with bated breath.

His own shit storm fell away to the background when Peter mentioned his own struggle with voices. He had mentioned, in his explanation that things were crazy, but he hadn’t admitted in so many words that it was so very similar to Wade’s version of crazy. There was no way he could deny his Baby Boy now. Not when he asked like that. Wade sighed and turned the key in the ignition. The engine died out, and Wade was out and around the front of the limo before Peter could get his car door open. So, Wade opened it for him and held it for him with a big, shit-eating grin.

“I’ll braid your hair and we can talk boys!” Wade hummed excitedly, but the set to his shoulders was tense and insincere. He was grateful for his mask because he could barely look at Peter without thinking about that make out session that was way too hot to be just practice. He had tried his best to blow it out of his brains once he left Peter, but apparently seeing Peter again was enough to reignite the vivid memories.

Peter needed Wade though, so screw what Wade needed. He’d be there for Peter no matter what. This time his tone and words were more real, more truthful as he offered, “Do you wanna talk about it? I mean…”

Wade sighed as they walked shoulder to shoulder to Peter’s front door. “For me… there are two. One is crazy, sadistic and playful. The other is cruel, logical, and destructive.” Once Peter opened the door he skipped his way past the smaller man and over the threshold. 

“White and Yellow…” he said softly before turning around and leveling his white masked eyes with Peter’s big brown ones. “If your voices ever say something that is mean or that causes you to doubt yourself, you tell me so I can set you straight okay? I can come back from a shot to the head when my voices become unbearable, but you need to talk to me… got it? Promise?”

There was a heavy weight to Wade’s words and admission. He was sharing only for Peter’s benefit, but there was a lot of heavy truths mixed in there as well. The timing was also well planned. He spoke right as they were entering Peter’s home, so Wade could force a quick promise out of Peter then skip off to do something to distract them from this conversation. He had been thinking of the best possible way to handle this while away from Peter. It wasn’t all just about his dick.

Peter stepped in and closed the door behind him, then slowly turned to face Wade. The Merc maintained eye contact far longer than Peter thought possible give their topic of conversation, but that just conveyed the seriousness of it all.

“I have a literal pair of Good Idea/Bad Idea chibis. Chibi-Spideys. A little blue Angel-Spidey with fluffy wings and a halo on the right, and a red little Devil-Spidey on the left with a little flame crown, bat wings and even the little tail, and they uh… they do exactly what you’d expect them to do… but uhm…”

Rubbing at the back of his head, Peter shuffled a bit in place and then smacked at one closed fist with the flat of his other palm squeezing his fist in his other hand to bolster his courage. “Can I tell you something though?”

He peeked up at Wade after having looked to the floor. Holding Wade’s gaze again, he continued. “I used to imagine them when I was younger. Still in high school, fresh into my powers… and it helped me weigh the pros and cons of things as a burgeoning superhero… but now they’re real…ish… and it’s kind of trippy.”

Wade’s eyes drifted to Peter’s right shoulder then his left as he described the form his voices had taken. The momentary break from eye contact lasted as long as Peter avoided it. As soon as he looked back up, Wade’s eyes are there and waiting. The merc tilted his head to the side in obvious thought. At least the voices weren’t like his.

{ **Hey**! }

[Rude.]

He ignored their protests in favor of addressing Peter. “You’re worried about not having the same moral compass as before so your brain is supplying you with a more vivid image of something that used to help when you were younger? Makes sense to me. I bet me and Devil-Spidey would get along way too well! Though Angel-Spidey is probably all kinds of adorable. I do have a soft spot for the do-gooder types.” Wade finished off with a warm chuckle.

That… made sense. Peter had thought the same thing a few times on the plane back to New York. Sighing, he slumped back against the door. Chuckling himself, he added, “Wade… what would I do without you? I’m a hot mess. Did you need to go get some stuff? I’d… definitely feel better if I didn’t have to deal with them alone… even understanding them a little better now.”

Peter wasn’t even joking. He really needed Wade there with him. If the Spideys came back tonight, he wanted someone to talk to that wasn’t them.

^I see how you are. You won’t get rid of us that easily, Parker.^

Devil-Spidey cackled and popped into existence on Peter’s left shoulder.

^You know you need us.^

Peter sighed, head dropping forward with a huff. He could almost feel the fake sympathy pat to the side of his head from the little devil on his shoulder. “Yeah. A hot mess.”

Wade’s white eyes went comically wide as he took in the cute little chibi Devil-Spidey over Peter’s left shoulder. He watched the quick little interaction and took in Peter’s slightly dejected attitude once it was made clear the new mini-Spideys weren’t going anywhere. The condescending little pat to Peter’s head was not necessary, but kind of adorable at the same time. Even evil Peter was still pretty damn good.

“Yeah… Need is a strong word my adorable little devil friend,” Wade cooed from his spot on the couch. He chuckled as the little angel chibi popped up behind Peter’s neck and poked his head around to look at Wade. He had just addressed the devil dude which was probably pretty unusual so he understood the new interest. He shrugged at the little angel before smiling, “There isn’t much in this world I can’t see now a days. Perks of being madder than the Mad Hatter.”

He was trying his best to maintain a somewhat chill attitude, but the voices in his head had it about right with their responses to Peter’s own voices.

[Wow... even I think they’re cute.]

{AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!}

[Can you use more than just that syllable?]

{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!}

[NO! No no no… make him stop or so help me!]

{ _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!** _ }

“Sorry, White. There is no saving us from that. Beside you already said you agree. They‘re like the cutest itty bitty things ever! I mean look at the little horns and wings…” Wade’s words slowly started to disintegrate into baby talk as he gushed over the apparent chibi Spideys’ cuteness. So much for keeping his cool.

“Wait.” Peter pushed off the door and pointed over his shoulders. “You can see them?”

^He can see us?!^

(He can see us?!)

Peter was in front of Wade in an instant, hugging him tight about the ribs. If Wade could see them, then he wasn’t alone! He wasn’t truly crazy…or at least he wasn’t so crazy he had to worry about it! “Oh, man! This is amazing! Wait - how come I can’t see your voices?”

^He makes a good point…^

Devil-Spidey rubbed at his little chin with tiny fingers and hummed, while Angel-Spidey only tilted his little head and stared.

Before Wade could even nod to answer Peter and the shoulder Spideys, he had his arms full of Baby Boy, his ribs being squeezed a little too tightly. He coughed and sputtered, his arms once again flailing out to the side not sure where exactly to land. How was he ever going to get used to this? He licked his lips without even realizing he was doing it, but caught the motion partway through, his tongue stilling mid swipe over his bottom lip.

[No self preservation. Really... Technically… He is asking for us to take advantage of him with all this misguided trust.]

{It’s so wrong, it must be right!}

Wade’s hands landed lightly on Peter’s shoulders, and he pushed him back and away from him. Acting like it was to get a better look at Peter, but really he needed some space between them. “I don’t make the rules, Spidey. The writers do, and they thought it’d be fun to have me see your shoulder spiders. Also, you don’t want to see my voices.”

[Especially right now, right Wade?]

{Aww, but maybe, if he could see us, he would give us our consent… which, by the way, why do we need that again?}

Wade pursed his lips and growled out a booming, “Shut the fuck up!”

The voices for once complied.

Oblivious to the exact nature of Wade’s current inner struggle, Peter grinned and patted the outsides of Wade’s forearms. “Let’s get you settled. School resumes in a few days now that the Goblin Nation mess is all cleaned up, so I want to make sure we’re all set.”

So what if he couldn’t see Wade’s voices? Maybe maybe that was conditioned by a’ yet’ anyway. At least he wasn’t alone.

\----------

They were both showered and dressed for bed, Peter settling on the opposite end of the couch from Wade, when Peter looked to Wade with a grin. “I ordered your favorite burrito basket from your favorite taco place. They’re delivering it here with my tacos and your chimichangas. There was beer in the fridge so here.”

Looking extremely content, Peter slumped in his seat after giving Wade the bottle. The world seemed… less overwhelming now with a companion who understood. He felt a little guilty. He should have spent more time with Wade before. Their Taco “dates” had always ended up getting cut short, and sometimes Peter had missed them entirely. Octavius hadn’t cared to even look the merc’s way there after he’d taken over Peter’s body. In a solemn tone on the heels of that realization, Peter murmured, “You know, Wade. I think…I owe you an apology.”

Luckily (or unluckily) Wade actually had a bag packed in the back of the limo filled with clothes and other essentials so when Peter suggested he go and grab some of his stuff it was too easy. Normally that would have been the perfect chance to disappear, but Peter had somehow planned for that and made sure he didn’t run away… again. Wade teased and joked as they passed by each other getting ready for an evening of lounging around. Little nudges and eyebrow wiggles that weren’t too intimate, but weren’t too foreign either. He was still acting like his flirty self. He hoped at least. Every once in awhile, he would catch a glimpse of the mini-Spideys and he would gush about their cuteness or ask the devil to convince Spidey to be a little more bad and let loose. Every time he talked to the little guides of his Baby Boy, Peter rewarded him with a smile. Relief would flood his eyes and this content, ‘I’m not alone in this’ expression would warm his features.

It had been a simple and easy first hour now though he had to sit beside Peter in relative dark while they watched bad television. His voices were, of course, torturing him again with really bad ideas, and he glared at nothing, wishing he could glare at White and Yellow when his vision was obscured with a bottle of beer. He grabbed hold of the cool bottle and hummed appreciatively at Peter. “Food and beer… Are you trying to seduce me, Baby Boy?”

His teasing was cut off by Peter’s rambling beginning... of an apology? Why was Baby Boy apologizing to him? He twisted to look at his friend and tilted his head to emphasize the confused angle of his eyes. “Why would you need to say sorry to me? You’re practically a saint for putting up with me as much as you do.”

“That! That bullshit right there is why I’m apologizing. It’s not just a personal apology either… I don’t know what to call it. But I do know that I do not ‘put up’ with you, Wade. You’ve been a friend to me for a long time, and I’ve let the opinions of others decide how I felt about that, which was very wrong of me. You’ve gone out of your way to help me, to protect my identity…” Taking a deep breath, Peter finally twisted to look Wade right in the face. “No matter how this turns out… whether it takes care of the problem or if it blows up in my face… You are welcome in this house any time, indefinitely. You want to stay? I want you to stay. You need a place to crash? I want you to crash here. Okay?”

He knew he must look… intense, but he just couldn’t let things stay as they’d been. Wade really was a good guy. He was an asshole sometimes, but mostly only to those who deserved it. He was good to kids and animals... and to Peter. Probably one of the few people that had never actually done him wrong other than his Aunt May. Now… he just needed Deadpool to believe him.

Wade swallowed hard, and the sound was loud and obvious. It made him flinch because it was such an obvious tell. Normally, he wouldn’t allow himself such transparent weaknesses, but this was Petey. This was Spider-man getting mad at him in defense of him. It was a very strange moment. Wade scratched at the top of his masked head and looked towards the moving colors on the TV screen. 

He couldn’t breath under the intensity of those perfectly pure brown eyes. His throat closed up tight depriving him of air as every word stabbed its way into the fleshy part of his heart. Things weren’t supposed to get there anymore… all those walls he’d built up were now full of holes thanks to Peter. His hands balled up into fists, and he rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. He closed his eyes tightly beneath his mask as he ignored the cackling voices telling him he’s gone soft, and that this was boring. The kid obviously didn’t know him as well as he thought he did, and Wade was going to hurt him eventually.

[We kill everything beautiful that comes into our life. Remember Ellie?

{We kill everything beautiful that comes into our life. Remember Ellie?}

Wade choked down his fears in favor of humor because the kid didn’t need his problems right now. He was here to help not burden. “If you’re angling for more practice, Spidey, you are saying all the right things.”

Wade straightened up righting himself and moving away from his insecure posture. He looked at Peter and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. With a giggle he bounced up and down on the couch, “Wade and Petey sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

Peter laughed and shook his head a little ruefully before throwing a couch pillow at Wade’s head. “Hush you! Watch television. I’m gonna go get some plates and more beer from the kitchen.”

Peter retreated to the kitchen where he gathered everything they would need for dinner. Wade had deflected again… like he always did when things hit too close to home. It wasn’t that Peter hadn’t noticed before… it was just that he hadn’t been able to understand before that there was actually a home behind the crazy fence. Balancing everything in his arms, he bustled about the living room setting the coffee table up for dinner.

Wade giggled like the maniac he was when he was smacked with a pillow. He huffed and fell backwards into the armrest of the couch. The dramatic fall was obviously done on purpose as his open beer stayed perfectly leveled and didn’t spill a drop. He sat up slowly as Peter went about setting up for dinner. He just sipped his beer slowly, eyes intently following Peter as he moved around the room with way more grace then Wade bet he realized he had. Peter had only been done for a few moments when the doorbell rang.

“I got it!” Peter vaulted gracefully over the back of the couch and bounded to the door weblining up his wallet on the way. The delivery guy exchanged some flirtatious pleasantries with him, but for once Peter found he wasn’t flattered so much as he was wishing the guy would just go because Wade was waiting just behind him. Once he got the guy gone, he turned to Wade grinning. “Food!”

The delivery guy was annoying, but thankfully, Peter shut him down. Wade was still jealous like crazy with no proper outlet because technically he wasn’t actually supposed to be jealous. He just focused on his beer wishing it had more of an affect than it did. Wade forced a smile as he slowly, reluctantly rolled up his mask so he could eat alongside Peter.

The plates were filled with tacos and burritos, and Wade was thankful for the distraction. Food was awesome. He grunted something that sounded a lot like that thought, but it was obscured with taco seasoned meat.

Once his belly was full he leaned back, arm outstretched over the back of the couch, and sighed contently. “Man did that hit the spot. Thanks, Baby Boy. So I am generally all for crap television, but maybe we should pick something slightly not so crappy to watch.”

“Sure,” Peter replied enthusiastically though through a mouthful of taco. He weblined a remote right into his hand and started flipping through the menu. Swallowing he added, “Something adventurous? Something funny? Something romantic? Ooooor porn.” He squinted out of half a life’s habit even though he didn’t need to. “All In a Day’s Work, or…His Man Sherridan. So, it’s porn with a plot and hetero or dude on dude…Apparently, Skin Nation is equal opportunity on its four channels. I’m not paying for HD.”

Peter looked over to Wade grinning. He was half joking and hoped Wade could interpret his humor well enough not to take offense or something. He’d seen both pornos before, and they were both “alone time” worthy, but he wasn’t serious about watching them. Unless Wade called his bluff…and then he’s all in because…uhm, how does poker even work again?

Wade choked, honest-to-god choked, on his beer, which was a shame it was some good beer. He recovered quickly because he was Deadpool, and this was his humor. He licked his lips having left his mask half rolled up feeling a little daring and too comfortable with his little Webhead. The damp pressure reminding him of a South American hotel practice session that didn’t feel like practice. He tilted his head to the side and somehow through his mask raised one eyebrow at his companion, conveying the silent words ‘Really you’re going there with me?’ His lips quirked up into a smirk. He couldn’t deny himself this game. The kid started it, he told himself… or the voices told him? He wasn’t really sure at that point.

“Eww… porn with plot. I’ll take His Man Sherridan for 800 Alex… Wanna play chicken? First one to get a hard on loses!” Wade hummed with a giggle, sure he was going to be turned down. He didn’t want to actually play because he was pretty sure he would lose because he was practically half hard just sitting next to Spidey.

 _You just had to call my bluff…_ Peter sighs in his own mind.

Then Devil-Spidey popped up on his shoulder with popcorn in one hand.

^Let’s do this.^

Angel-Spidey just kind of curled up into the side of Peter’s neck and hummed.

(It’s been a long time since we just kicked back, Peter. We can always take care of business later tonight in the shower.)

Peter grimaced and looked over to Wade even as he hit select and the screen flipped over to some rich hunk lounging about poolside while his pool boys all wandered around naked. Peter let his eyes stay on the screen. He was a healthy young man. Porn was something he was very familiar with. Friends were not something he was familiar with. Friends he’d watch porn with, he didn’t have, but he had heard jocks talking about it like it was normal, so he had to assume it was.

“You’re a bit lucky,” he murmured, ignoring the little Spideys on his shoulders as they watched on avidly. And what did that say about him anyway? His self-manifested moral guides were both equally into the porn… watching as one pool boy after another - all of them lovely and each a different color of the human genome - knelt at their master’s feet for a suck on the man’s impressive cock. Didn’t that mean he was like a closet sex fiend or something?

^You’ve never opened up in the bedroom.^

Devil-Spidey stated it so matter of factly that Peter choked on his sip of beer, swatting at the spade-tailed little heathen so that Devil-Spidey was forced to poof out of existence.

Angel-Spidey was frowning. Peter could feel it.

(He’s right. We always have to keep ourself within bounds. Our partners either didn’t know or asked us to keep the wall-crawler stuff on the other side of the door…)

Peter swatted at Angel-Spidey too, making a scoffing noise, then finished his earlier thought by saying, “You’re voices only bother you where you can hear them… Please ignore them. I don’t want to talk about it. Gwen and I never made it that far, MJ was a bit of a bitch, Felicia was a flash in the pan, and I don’t know even a fraction of the stuff this body may or may not have done with Anna Marie… okay? Let’s leave it at that.”

And then he chugged the rest of that beer and turned his attention back to the porno. This was ridiculous. Porn-chicken… was it possible that he was drunk already? Or was his good sense around Wade stunted by the other man’s presence? Was a lack of self-preservation contagious like that? Peter covered his face. “I’m sorry. I’m an embarrassment to superheroes, spiders and horny young men everywhere…. There are people out there that want to be me only because they don’t know me… or anything about my shitty ass life. God and I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Okay. Okay. I’m shutting up. We’re watching… oh.. Oh my…god. That’s….”

( **Hot.** )

^ **Hot.** ^

“Yes.”

Wade was going to give the kid his space. Sure he could hear the Spideys, but just like his voices he was pretty sure Peter didn’t want him to hear everything the little Spideys said. He couldn’t ignore the quip about taking care of business later in the shower though. He turned his eyes away from the pretty boys parading on screen to take in the pretty boy at his side. Wade didn’t have to watch the porno to get turned on, he just needed to take in the slightly rosy cheeks and pink plump lips of Spidey and he was done for. Wade took in the sputtering nervousness of his sweet little Baby Boy as Devil-Spidey pointed out his lack of adventuring between the sheets. Then even Angel-Spidey chimed in, and Wade can’t help the snicker. It was more about Peter’s reaction to the two chibis that the content.

Though something did stick out to Wade, and he was so going to bring it up just as soon as Petey stopped rambling. Though the thought about webbing and funky positions in the bedroom was lost as Peter attacked himself in almost Wade levels of insecurity. Pursing his lips, Wade turned his gaze away from Peter, and back to the TV, though he wasn’t really eyeing anything on the screen. His hand, which is still slung over the back of the couch found Peter’s nape. His thumb traced a gentle line up and down the length of Peter’s neck from his hairline down and then up again. It was a gentle bit of contact, but if Wade was right, and with a slight flick of his gaze to Peter’s slightly tightening pants he was, it wouldn’t take much to get Petey all riled up. He didn’t like the voices’ suggestion earlier, but he wouldn’t deny he was an opportunist, and this was a great opportunity. 

“We never discussed stakes? What does the winner get? I have a great suggestion because getting yourself off in the shower is just so not the way to do it. Loser pays up with an assist? What do you think, Baby Boy?” He knew he was moments away from being the loser, which could probably be heard in how low and husky his voice was. So it was more offer than stakes, but hey he often joked about things like this. If it freaked Petey out, he could play it off as a joke, so no harm no foul. Lots to gain though.

{Yeah! Like seeing Petey’s **‘O’ face**! Hehehe! }

“Stakes?” For one second Peter was confused. He was going to blame it on the hand at the back of his neck though. That thumb’s caress sent a shiver right through him. Along with that touch, the husk of Wade’s voice and the soft sucking and moaning sounds from the TV… and then Wade tacked on the words “Baby Boy” to the end of his offer, in that tone, with all that arousal behind it... and Peter just turned and looked Wade right in the eye.

“And if it’s a tie…we both pay up,” he stated, voice surprisingly firm if a little husky. “So pay up… cuz I think we’re at a draw.”

^When did we get sooo…power bottom?^

(Who says we’re a bottom?)

^Who says we can’t switch…hm?^

(Good point.)

Peter closed his eyes…and just laughed. “Is this what you put up with all the time because… mm, you know what, nevermind.”

Warm brown eyes turned a soft look on Wade, and Peter went for smooth, sliding over on the couch until he was right next to Wade. “We could always play horny teenagers… and see where that gets us…”

He never thought he would see the day when he felt comfortable enough around someone to talk like that, but here it was. Wade was always so candid. Peter just…wanted to for once in his life enjoy himself. Women… were always so on about a certain level of propriety, but with Wade Peter bet he could just cut loose a little. He’d never take things too far, and he would always make sure that his partner was happy and sated, but it would be nice to be intimate with someone who truly understood him, accepted him and wanted him around all flaws and masks included.

{Should I push the abort button or the fire button?!}

[ **Fire**... obviously… but wait a bit. We don’t want to be too premature. ]

{Wait. Did Devil-Spidey just say ‘power bottom’… and then switching… has the world **ended**?! }

[No, that already happened and fixed itself somehow… comic book logic.]

{Oh right… Okay, so Fire, but not yet. Maybe we should just, you know, say something…}

[That’s probably a good idea.]

Wade sucked in a sharp breath, his hand following Peter’s neck as he edged closer to Wade’s side. His whole hand wrapped around the back of Peter’s neck pulling him in even closer. “I’m always in horny teenager mode… but…”

{What?! NOOOO! No buts! Why?!}

Wade groaned because he understood Yellow’s objection, but he didn’t want just one opportunity and the next part was important. “I want this to be a non-regretted decision. We are still bros tomorrow morning benefits just tacked on.”

[Aw, when did you get so smart? Negotiating the terms like this.]

Peter tipped his head to the side a little and studied Wade for a few seconds before he licked his lips and crawled into Wade’s lap until he was perched like he’d been before back in South America. “We’re bros. Period. No matter what. Benefits are just a bonus.”

He’d almost said something about Anna Marie and the two of them looking more and more natural together the more they got comfortable with each other… but this wasn’t premised on Anna Marie right now, and Peter… really didn’t want the two connected. What they were doing right now had nothing to do with the other thing. Wade was different. He was different than Gwen. Different than MJ… and there was just something about him that always drew Peter in. With that in mind, Peter leaned in. Wade’s lips were still a little scarred, and just like before Peter just went for the kiss: teeth, tongue, lips… all of it. His arms looped around Wade’s neck, and he pressed in close, pushing his erection against Wade’s stomach to prove he had indeed lost if nothing else. His lips brushed the other’s softly as he murmured, “I have a small confession to make….”

“If it has anything to do with breaking pelvic bones I don’t want to hear it…” Wade chimed in immediately but regretted it as soon as he had said it. Hopefully, Petey would just laugh it off like the rest of his crazy and won’t ask questions… because mood breaker right there. So he used his tongue in another way to distract Baby Boy. Their lips pressed tightly together, his tongues slipped between perfect Spidey lips and flicked upwards against the roof of Peter’s mouth.

Wade purred enjoying the taste and feel of the inside of Spider-man’s mouth, wondering not for the first time what it would feel like wrapped around his cock. He had to let Peter eventually finish his thought though, so he reluctantly pulled back with a slight suck to Peter’s bottom lip. His teeth tugged on the kiss swollen flesh before releasing it to say whatever it was that Peter wanted to say. His hands had found their way to Spidey’s hips as they had kissed, his thumbs turning inward and tracing along the bend of his legs. The desire to touch more was hella strong, but with every impatient thrust of Peter’s hips, Wade hesitated, enjoying the feel of desperation coming off of his Baby Boy.

Wade licked his lips the cool air touching the moisture left there from their little kissing session. He tastes Peter again and sighed contently, his eyes taking in the blown pupils and rosy flush of his partner. Even if it was only this one time Wade could live on this for the rest of his life.

_Breaking pelvic bones?!_

But he was forced to file that away because Wade… was a very good kisser and whatever that had been about… Wade had healed. Clearly. What was important here… was Wade and Peter in the now. Peter would ferret out the story behind those disturbing words later.

Hands shaking, Peter pressed their foreheads together and licked his lips. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from rocking into Wade’s taut stomach muscles, the clothes between them be damned. His hips moved in small, little rolls of his pelvis that sent shivers through him and gave him the pressure, at least in part, that he craved.

“I confess…” he continued, eyes searching the white eyes of Wade’s mask. “To having checked you out a time or two… or ten. You’re very uhm… muscular… and surprisingly flexible in spite of that.”

Wade snickered, but there was a warmth to the sound. “Good. Makes me feel less dirty about checking out your ass every time you turned it in my direction.”

Despite his humor and quick reply there was the slightest of tinge of red just beneath the edge of his mask, hinting at the possibility of a blush coloring his cheeks because he was flattered. Peter was perfection, and if he found anything about Wade appealing Wade would take it. Though he made a mental note to never actually get naked around Peter. Didn’t want to wreck the illusion with his gnarly skin.

He rocked his hips upwards gripping Peter’s thighs roughly a low moan rumbling through his chest. The voices being quiet for once gave Wade a burst of confidence. He slid his hands over Peter’s thighs before breaking contact, his hands drifting up to his mask but there they stuttered. Well, that spurt of confidence had lasted a whole five seconds. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing roughly as his fingers slid under the hem of his mask.

Peter had seen his face before, he didn’t even stare or act shocked either. It’d be okay now, he could always look at the porn still playing in the background if it grossed him out too much. Wade wanted to see Baby Boy better, undisrupted by the thin fabric of his mask. He couldn’t go any further though. Whatever boldness had started the idea had fallen away as soon as he began to follow through with it.

“As long as I keep my clothes on…” he said quietly, obviously repeating something one of his voices had said no longer silent as the insecurities came rushing in. He dropped his hands away from his mask and slid them over Peter’s shoulders and down his back. Too perfect Peter shouldn’t have to see his face while getting off. What had he been thinking?

“Hey,” Peter murmured, catching on fast despite the lack of blood flow to the north. “Look at me.”

Peter waited until he had Wade’s eyes on him then he slowly let his thumbs caress Wade’s scarred cheeks below the edge of the mask. “Wade…I…” Peter pursed his lips. This was just such a minefield of a topic. He didn’t know enough about Wade’s life around the stuff he did with Peter. Sure there was stabbing and killing, but what about the rest of it? Taking a deep breath he goes for broke.

“When you are with me… I want you to understand something.” Leaning in, Peter kissed Wade’s mouth and simultaneously rocked his hips into Wade’s stomach sharing breath with the Merc as he spoke. “I am not anybody else. I want you to take everything they’ve ever said about you that wasn’t positive and just dump it from your brain. I am not them. New Amazing Spider-man makes his own opinions, remember? So…may I take off your mask? Please?”

It felt a little awkward. By this time in the game with Felicia they had already both removed their masks… and he’d seen Wade’s face before… but the mask was clearly uncomfortable and limiting and this… “This is supposed to be good for both of us…I need this to be good for both of us.”

“There isn’t anything about this that could be bad for me, Spidey, but how does my face make this good for you?” Wade laughed a little hysterically but nodded a quick yes none the less. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly as Peter slowly pushed the mask up and off of his scarred head.

{Why did you **agree**? He is gonna vomit all over us. }

[He didn’t vomit the first time.]

{Yeah, well, he didn’t have a **hard on** the first time… bedroom eyes ain’t so **blind** as friendship eyes. }

[It pains me to admit this, but he makes a solid point.]

Wade’s eyes snapped open and his hands grabbed Peter’s wrists. It was too late though, the mask was off, and Wade was on full display. He was sure he looked like a mutilated alien, eyes all glow-y from the low lighting thanks to the TV behind Peter. Wade’s eyes scoured over every inch of Peter’s expression, but he just saw warmth there. No disgust or gagging… nothing. His grip relaxed and he leaned in pressing his forehead, then nose and finally his lips softly to Peter’s.

“I’m practically naked now what are you gonna do with me?” Wade cooed, but there still a little tremble of fear in his voice. He was trying to relax back into their nice little rhythm. He was still painfully turned on, and so was Peter, so he hadn’t fucked it up yet. He dropped his hands away from his almost death grip on Peter’s wrists and let them find their way to Peter’s hips again. His hands just wanted to be there apparently. With a grunt, he lifted Peter up and shifted his own hips slightly, lining their shared erections up. One of his hands slid inwards and pressed roughly against Peter’s cock where it strained against the fabric of his sweatpants. He gave an experimental tug through the fabric eyes glued to Peter and his reaction.

“Do with you?” Peter hummed thoughtfully and shifted himself a little here and there to accommodate the slight change in their position. A tiny groan escaped him as he settled in, eyes dropping to watch as Wade’s hand pressed into his crotch. “Mmmfff, whatever you want me to do with you, Wade…just…nnngh please don’t stop.”

Wade groaned against the side of Peter's lips as he started to kiss down his jaw towards that slender neck. The ‘please don’t stop’ was way too sinful and intoxicating for Wade not to respond to it. His one hand stayed firm on Peter's waist helping keep him balanced though given the way his legs muscles flexed Wade doubted he needed any actual assistance. His other hand gave a few more rough tugs with the fabric in the way before moving the offending sweatpants out of the way. Thank god for stretchy waist bands because who had time to actually remove pants. He hesitated, now that there isn’t fabric to mask the rough nature of his skin, his hand hovering just on the outskirts of touching. His lips faltered against Peter’s skin for a moment, but the sounds Peter made, the desperate pleas for more, pushed Wade through his wall of insecurities. His thumb swiped over the leaking head of Peter’s cock before his broad hand wrapped around his length his own breath no more than a panting, hot and damp mess against the crook of Peter's neck.

Wade’s hand hesitated and Peter groaned with the heady anticipation of it. The moment his cock was enveloped in that rough palm, Peter’s own hands clamped tight to Wade’s heavy shoulder muscles, and he threw his head back on a moan, panting, “Yes, mmm, yes…just like that, Wade…damn that’s so good…”

He was breathless, straddling Deadpool’s lap with the merc’s hand down his pants and his head thrown back as he thrust up against the hand on his hip and into the hand around his dick. And wasn’t that nice to know? He liked to be at least a little restrained, which probably meant he would like being held down too, and that thought sent a shiver through him because Wade was a big enough guy to create the illusion of Peter being pinned and helpless even if it wasn’t truly possible. The motion ground his balls into Wade’s own impressive erection because of the angle the Merc adjusted them to and the feeling was…fuck, there was no way to describe it. It was so close to something he’d only thought about (he’d fooled around with men but never let one of them take him because he was too shy and didn’t feel he knew them well enough), and it gave him that prom night close quarters grindfest feeling that sent shivers up and down his spine like the horny teenager he was at heart. Wade’s cock was impressive and Peter… kind of started to lose it a little bit. He was mouthy on the best of days, but today was a better than best day.

“Wade,” he gasped and thrust repeatedly into the man’s fist, Wade’s hand on his hip and that cock against his sac which was growing a little harder with each roll of his pelvis. “Jesus,” he panted and ran one hand up that back of Wade’s naked scalp. Finally, he brought his gaze down from the ceiling to meet Wade’s gaze. His own eyes were hazy and he looked a bit intoxicated, flushed as he was. Peter wasn’t sure why the fact that it was Wade he was pseudo-riding was getting him so worked up… his brain supplied the words “taming a wild stallion” but the metaphor eluded him just as his mouth started spilling mindless sex talk. “Please… I just… I need you… harder… nnng. Bite me… Fuck, I want to feel your teeth, Wade. C'mon, baby…”

As Peter threw his head back Wade’s lips lost contact with his skin and without any skin to kiss his motor mouth went right into full gear. “Baby boy... God, you are perfection. You’re gorgeous. Petey... fuck, you’re so good. Peter, Baby Boy, Spidey… my hero, you are… fuck! Damn… I…”

[Woah! Woah! Don’t finish that thought!]

{Yeah! Remember we want to do this again, so don’t scare the Spidey away with that sappy crap!}

Wade snapped his mouth shut, cutting of his stream of variations of Peter’s name like they were the dirtiest words he knew. The way Peter was moving, practically fucking himself with Wade’s hand and grinding his lower pelvis into Wade’s groin, had Wade very thankful he was being at least somewhat neglected. It wouldn’t take much more stimulation, and he would be overboard. And man, would that be embarrassing. The patch of wetness from his leaking precum on his sweatpants was certainly giving away his neediness though. He grunted with the it took effort to keep himself under control even just that much. It was hard (in both a literal and metaphorical sense), especially with Peter saying things… like THAT. He could do that. Warm brown eyes found his, and it was too perfect. Too good. He shouldn’t get to have this. Why was he getting to have this?

[Seriously, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just accept it!]

So, he did, pressing his lips roughly against Peter’s and mumbling something about perfect little Spidey into the quick pass of lips. Then his mouth traveled back to that slender neck, finding Baby Boy’s pulse. Eagerly he sucked a bruise there before running his teeth over the tender skin.

Peter groaned when Wade complied and started in on a hickey Peter was damn sure he’d want pictures of. Hopefully he would be able to get to a mirror before the damn thing faded. He’d never had a partner he’d been willing to ask for this from… or a partner willing to ask if they could. It made his cock twitch eagerly in Wade’s grip. One good thing about his powers right then? Wade might not have hair, but Peter’s sticky-fingers made up for it. Swallowing hard, he panted, “Jesus, yes! I’m so close… Mmm, faster, Wade…”

And then he was pulling Wade’s head back as if he had a handful of hair and devouring Wade’s mouth, silencing both their mindless mumblings as he came, hips stuttering, muscles straining both with pleasure and restraint. It was a mess, but damn it had been a long time since he’d gotten off like a horny teenager. Breaking the kiss with a gasp, he whined and mouthed kisses along Wade’s jaw, down his neck then back up to his ear.

“I want…” Peter swallowed, still shivering from orgasm and maybe from a bit of nerves too. “To suck you off…”

He knew his face was bright red, and he couldn’t say it above a whisper, but there. The desire was out, and now it was up to Wade from there. They’d still be bros in the morning no matter what, Peter reminded himself. Even if Wade rejected the idea and preferred to stick to hand jobs only.

^Pffft, yeah! Right!^

(Pffft, yeah! Right!)

The little Spideys both scoffed from somewhere over Peter’s shoulders.

Wade knew Spidey was powerful, but when his head was whipped back and his lips crashed into hard he felt it. All that contained power. Even with how hard Spidey tugged on Wade’s head he could still feel the ripple of fine-muscled control. It was like being roughed up with tender loving care. Wade been with a few super powered people in his day, but when they lost it none of them had cared if they hurt Wade. Peter cared, and it made the air around them hard to breath… or maybe that was because of the kissing.

Wade rocked his hips, getting too little friction from it, but it was still just enough to drive him crazy as Spidey’s own cock throbbed in his hand. The waves of climax hit his little lover with force, but still that fine control Wade wasn’t expecting - the kind of thing that makes his heart feel heavy in an unfamiliar way - kept Peter’s super strength in check. Then there was the gentle ghost of kisses on his jawline followed by a request no man could deny, which nearly had him cumming right there.

[Keep it in your pants big boy…]

{Yeah, being the older of this pair that would definitely be embarrassing… though funny… maybe do it so we can laugh at you?}

[That would be amusing...]

“I’m trying,” he huffed out, irritated at the voices, but quickly pressed a kiss to Peter’s temple to assure him that wasn’t for him. “That… God, that would be amazing, Baby Boy, but I’m like... I don’t think I’ll hold out much longer.”

It wasn’t a no though because yes. Yes, he wanted that, but he was scared Peter would get his lips around him, and he would be cumming hard in record time. Hell, just thinking about about it had him bucking his hips upwards harder.

Peter hummed and lipped playfully at Wade’s earlobe, nuzzling into the curl of the shell and teasingly dipping his tongue in. “Alright. That’s alright…” And it was because it wasn’t an outright rejection. “How about we just do this then, hm?”

Peter wound his arms around Wade’s neck again and moved his lips against Wade’s ear as he started gyrating his hips into Wade’s with more precision. The action rocked their pelvises together, grinding Peter’s softening, sensitive cock against Wade’s rock hard erection.

“Imagine doing this with you inside of me,” he murmured, keeping his face hidden by tucking their cheeks together and keeping his mouth right near Wade’s ear. It was embarrassing but thrilling to speak so boldly of this kind of thing, but Wade was just so candid all the time. Peter wanted to be the same so often - sure he quipped and snarked and smart-mouthed all the time but that wasn’t quite the same thing - that he thought perhaps here and now was a good place to build that bravery up. Besides… if someone were doing this to him he would have creamed his pants three rolls of the hips ago. “I can just believe how amazing it would feel… so full and so deep… the connection… **nnnf** , Wade…”

Wade gasped out a single word that in this situation usually would be fuck but for Wade it was, “Peter.” It was rough and breathy on his lips, but the perfect word for this moment. The motion, the added friction, Baby Boy taking control, the things Peter was saying… one of those things would have been enough all of them was too much. Wade’s fingers dug in roughly around Peter’s hip bones, encouraging his movements with needy pulls and pushes.

_‘Imagine doing this with you inside of me…’_

Peter’s words had Wade choking on Peter’s name again and again.

_‘I can just believe how amazing it would feel… so full and so deep… the connection… **nnnf** , Wade…’_

The world was quiet except for Peter’s husky voice, and Wade could so easily picture it. He imagined it and it was just so vivid. He was cumming hard all over the two of them in just a few heartbeats. He laid his forehead against Peter’s shoulder as he panted through the aftershocks of his orgasm his arms wrapping snugly around Peter, sandwiching them together tightly. Were hearts supposed to ache like that after orgasm because if not, there was probably something very wrong with him.

Eventually, Wade lifted his head off Peter’s shoulder only to find half lidded eyes that were warm and satisfied looking right at him. His heart ached in his chest again, and he confirmed that there was something wrong with him, but it wasn’t the orgasm’s fault.

“So much for those showers earlier. We are both a total mess all over again,” he said with a little chuckle not really sure what to say or do now. He didn’t want to let Peter go, he was a cuddler after sex, but this wasn’t sex sex. It was strange and new territory, and did bros who helped each other get off cuddle afterwards? Once he let Peter go they would go get cleaned up and then probably go to their separate beds and sleep. Asking for something other than that was probably crossing a line and it made his heart hurt again, which then just made him wonder how long he could live without the offending organ.

Peter hummed an amused little sound arms still wrapped loosely around Wade’s neck and shoulders. One palm pressed to the shirt over Wade’s shoulders while the other stroked the backs of his curled fingers up and down the back of Wade’s skull. The skin was rough, puckered and scarred tight like a burn victim’s, and yet Peter found the texture not entirely unpleasant. After a moment of searching Wade’s gaze, Peter leaned in and rested his chin on his … best friend’s shoulder. He felt closer to Wade in this moment than he had ever felt to Harry. Maybe even closer than he had ever felt with MJ. It was more… like what he had had with Gwen. Peter let out another little noise, this one content and satisfied, as he slid the hand not petting Wade’s head further down Wade’s back between the couch and heavy muscle.

“Sex is supposed to be messy,” he mumbled and burrowed in closer riding the post-orgasm lassitude. He couldn’t believe he’d had the guts to push them this far. He couldn’t believe he had said those things out loud and to another living being… let alone Wade Wilson. Maybe when his cheeks stopped flaming he’d let Wade go, but for right now after sex snuggles were exactly where he wanted to be. If Wade pulled away then he’d move. Right now, he just wanted the warmth, the rise and fall of Wade’s chest against his own, and the place to hide his red face. Women he was used to. He knew what to say and do once he’d gotten a girl who was as interested as he was. Men had always been uncertain territory for him though. At least the few he’d gotten around with that were good experiences.

“I um… my legs are a little shaky yet. I’m just gonna stay here until I can stand and not end up on my butt. If you don’t… mind…” he murmured just below Wade’s ear, giving Wade both a compliment and a way out if he wasn’t a big cuddler.

Wade tried not to give in to the relief spreading through his whole being when Peter said he wasn’t moving anytime soon. It was hard not to express though because he had been holding his breath trying to stretch the moment out for as long as possible. So after Peter’s words he blew out a hot sigh right next to Peter’s ear then found his lips pressing warm soft kisses to the side of Peter’s head into the mix of soft brown strands. The way Peter’s hand loosely stroked the back of his head gave him goosebumps which he hadn’t known he could still get because of all the scars.

“You learn new things everyday,” he hummed softly with a slight chuckle to his voice. He snuggled in deeper to the embrace practically purring under the sweet touches, and warmth of the person he loved more than anything or anyone else in the world.

[Woah! Woah! Hold up. **LOVE**? ]

{Aww! We thought it for the **first** time! We should celebrate with a bubble bath and painting our nails! }

[I think we are just a little orgasm drunk. It’ll fade.]

Wade didn’t agree with White. All he had left in the world was Peter, and the way his heart ached and fluttered was most definitely love. Which made this weird friends-but-not-friends territory sting a little, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. He pressed a few more kisses to the side of Peter’s head with a sigh before pulling away. He wasn’t going anywhere yet, but he remembered the napkins just behind them from their food earlier. He could at least get them a little cleaned up. Cuddling would last longer then.

Peter automatically shifted with Wade flexing and bending with the Merc while he arched back a bit and twisted to get at the pile of napkins on the the end table. He sighed and pressed a few absent, open-mouthed kisses to the side of Wade’s neck. “That’s gonna end up messier than we are already because it’s mostly dry by now. We could just go into the bathroom together and clean up like a pair of adults.”

Peter’s sleepy voice was amused to no end as he spoke between kisses to Wade’s neck. He let his tongue drag over the scar ridges and furls and found himself wondering if Wade’s cock was as scarred up as the rest of him. The thought ‘ribbed for his pleasure’ drifted through his post-orgasm haze and he squirmed a little in Wade’s lap at the thought. Another interesting thing he’d discovered was that he had very little in the way of a refractory period which explained why the fire was technically out but the coals were still roaring so to speak. He could go another round or three. It made him wonder about Wade’s healing factor’s effect on him, and if Wade ever laid awake at night just jerking off a handful of times to work off the frustration of the job and unsatisfied hormones like Peter so often did. He was speaking before he even realized he’d decided to talk about it.

“You’ve got a hypermetabolism…” he stated, sounding drowsy and content, and lipped idly at Wade’s ear, voice still a little husky now that he wasn’t whispering. “You ever just… can’t keep it down? I mean, not to be embarrassing, but there are some nights I just can’t get off enough.”

He pressed another few kisses into the side of Wade’s neck and hummed. He was genuinely curious if it was just him or if it was a superpower conundrum. “Sorry. I’ve been wondering forever, and it isn’t exactly the type of question you ask say Captain America. I mean, I’m not close enough with anyone else to ask. Just you these days.” He sounded oddly pleased for some reason even to his own ears.

Wade huffed and abandoned the napkins thanks to Peter being all logical and pointing out it was a bad idea. Without realizing the words were leaving his mouth his mumbled a quiet, “Then we’d stop cuddling though and I don’t want that…”

The words still don’t register as being said though because Peter was still talking and the content had caught Wade off guard. Between the warm open-mouth kisses to his neck, Peter squirming in his lap, and the subject change, Peter was probably going to feel the answer to his questions any moment now.

Wade’s fingers began tracing slow lazy patterns over Peter’s back as he turned his head so he was nosing the warm skin of Peter’s neck. Wade sighed softly against his skin before pressing his lips to the bruise he had left earlier. It was fading, and he didn’t like that one bit. Without thinking…

[This is becoming a pattern.]

{A **pattern**? It's our **M.O.**! }

“Shuddup,” he mumbled his lips tickling Peter’s skin as he chastised the voices. Then he continued with what he was doing before he was interrupted. He covered the bruise with his lips and sucked on it a little roughly, making Peter shudder and moan and the bruise darker than before so it would last longer. His teeth grazed over the over sensitized skin before he reluctantly pulled away from Peter’s skin long enough to actually answer the kid. “Spidey, you really are the perfect man. You can orgasm more than once without any down time? All the teenage boys reading this are totally jealous.”

Wade sat up, putting some space between his lips and Peter’s skin… Also Peter’s lips and his skin because those lazy wet kisses should be illegal. He chuckled warmly at the put out expression on his precious Petey before adding, “It’s not chick levels of awesome with the multiple orgasms, but I don’t need as much down time as most. I’ve totally rubbed myself raw before. I mean, who wouldn’t once or twice right?!”

[If he wants to go for round two I don’t think our heart could take it…]

{Agreed. I mean this is all **fun and games** to him, but that’s our heart on our sleeve out there. }

[Also heartbroken crying-in-the-shower-Wade is **boring**. I vote we put an end to this. ]

{For now. We are totally doing it again.}

[Agreed. We are doing this again. I mean, our hand is all rough and gross. We hate beating ourself off.]

{So true. We are disgusting.}

“You guys are assholes.”

Peter shivered as Wade pulled away well aware that he would probably have this bruise for a few hours now that Wade had “touched it up.” He was more than okay with that. As Wade started to sit up straighter instead of curling into Peter’s body, Peter rocked back himself, sitting up straighter too and settling on Wade’s thighs entirely. His hands lingered at the sides of Wade’s neck now and he studied the Merc’s face. He could say a million things right now…

“Glad I’m not the only one,” he murmured, cracking a wide grin. “Who likes lots of post-coital cuddling.” He winked then and slid from Wade’s lap, offering the Merc a hand up once he was on his feet. “But it’s going to be a bitch to scrub this off. I think we both need new pants, too. Let’s get cleaned up, and when we’re squeaky clean again…we can hit the sack.”

It was good to know that Deadpool had a minor need for refractory time. It made it that much easier for Peter to leash his libido and slide from Wade’s lap, giving him space. Peter didn’t know how he knew that Wade might need to deal with himself… but he did. Honestly, he needed to get his own head on straight too. Just because Deadpool was convenient didn’t mean that he should take things too far. He didn’t want to use Wade. This was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement in which Peter shook off the crazy girlfriend of the man who had possessed his body and Wade…

Well, what was in it for Wade? Nothing that Peter could think of… except that Wade had been only too happy to snap out of his own funk to help Peter straighten his life out again… and that he’d seemed really really into what they’d just done. Maybe… Maybe Peter was crazy, but it just seemed like a good idea and before he had time to think it through, he just blurted, “And by hit the sack I mean crawl into the same bed for a little more cuddling. My brain hasn’t had its desired quota of oxytocin or dopamine filled in a long time, and you get my hormones pumping in all the right ways, DP.”

And then he winked in a flirty, playful kind of way, hoping to distract Wade from those incessant chattering boxes.

Silently arguing with the voices, Wade took Peter’s hand in a bit of a daze. His eyes drifted to his sleeve like there was something there. One moment his expression was an almost offensive scowl the next it was the sweetest expression in the world, his facial features portraying a mix of complicated emotions before going blank and void of anything. He wanted his mask so he could hide his crazy ups and downs from Peter, but just like before, when they’d been out in the jungle surrounded by fire and gore, Peter snapped him out of his own head.

As Wade stood he tripped, bringing his body flush to Peter’s when he had finally caught his footing. He squeezed the hand that was still in his and smiled weakly. Releasing the hand and taking a step towards the bathroom, Wade chuckled, “You get all my juices flowing in the right way too, Petey. As evidenced by the itchy cum drying on my stomach… I call dibs on the bathroom first!”

Then he was off, bolting towards the bathroom and hoping his head start in enough to beat the wall-crawler. Once safely behind the bathroom door he smacked his back against the door and slid down to the floor. His eyes drifted to his crotch, and he pulled the elastic waistband away, groaning. He was so fucked.

[Well, not yet you aren’t.]

{Oh god, is he gonna **cry** …?}

[He better not. We **don’t** have any guns nearby to blow our brains out with, and I am not dealing with him **blubbering** like a baby. ]

{You know, you totally missed a **double penetration** joke when he used your old nickname. DP… hehe. Peter is gonna notice something is off. }

[Especially if you don’t show for those promised cuddles.]

Wade grunted an annoyed breath out at the voices before getting to his feet and working on cleaning himself up. He was pretty sure there was another bathroom, an en suite or something, so he took his time, but still listened carefully for any signs of Peter. When he was sure the Webslinger was snugly tucked away in bed he tiptoed towards his room for a fresh pair of boxers and pants then paced up and down the hallway not sure if he should go into the bedroom where his little Spidey was sleeping.

[He was probably joking. You know, trying to be nice.]

“Of course he was being nice. He’s Peter. He’s always nice.”

{So the cuddling wasn’t a serious offer.}

“It seemed serious, didn’t it? I mean… He seemed to enjoy it…”

[Desperate men will take what they can get.]

“Petey isn’t desperate. Have you seen him?”

{Okay, fine, but you are convenient.}

“Well, of course I am - Wait. Am I?”

[Well, you aren’t saying no and there are no strings, and you’re already fake boyfriends.]

{Sounds pretty easy to me…}

“I’m only easy for Peter.”

[Still easy.]

“Wade,” Peter muttered from where he’d been leaning in the doorway. He’d been watching and listening to Wade’s not quite one-sided rambling undetected from the doorway. “I’m serious. Come to bed.”

Wade’s insecurities weren’t a new thing to him. He knew well that Wade would second guess everything Peter said, but he’d be triple guessing anything that he actually really wanted. They’d been through enough team-ups for Peter to have become familiar with this behavioral pattern. He was opting not to comment on the “easy for Peter” comment for now, chalking it up to some inner debate with himself about what he was doing here in the first place.

Wade startled at the sound of Peter’s voice and leapt up head only inches away from smacking against the ceiling. He turned around slowly blue eyes wide and hesitant. He looked like a small animal seconds away from being startled off into the brush. The voices finally fell silent, and he had enough quiet to properly think. The way Peter was standing so patient, his eyes kind and warm… a little sleepy, but not irritated or angry helped too. Wade smiled big and wide not hesitating to trust in Peter because he wouldn’t say something like that if he didn’t mean it. There was also the direct way he worded it, standing there waiting for Wade. Skipping through the hallway he grabbed Peter up as he passed under the doorway the Webslinger slung over his shoulder as the Merc bounded towards the bed. He lept up tossing them both onto the bed with a giggle then scrambled around on the bed for a second climbing up to lean over top of Peter who was surrounded by a messed up comforter on his back now thanks to Wade. With an arm on either side of Peter’s head Wade smiled a question ‘why?’ on his lips, but he didn’t dare ask.

Instead he just leaned down and pressed a kiss to Peter’s brow then his eyes, nose, each cheek and finally a feather touch of lips to Peter’s lips. Once he had finished the flurry of kisses he pulled back shocked at himself. “I uh… Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that. We’re supposed to be done with that portion of the evening. My bad. I was just relieved. Sorry. Sorry.” 

Rather than let Wade continue rambling out an unnecessary apology, Peter rolled to his left, knocking Wade’s right arm out from under him and letting the Merc crash down onto Peter’s back. Hooking one foot over Wade’s calf and hugging Wade’s right arm to him, Peter managed to pin the Merc on top of Peter and snuggled into the pillow beneath his head.

“Be a lamb and fix the comforter, Wade,” he mumbled. “I expect good morning kisses too…”

He almost added ‘if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right’ but he didn’t know if it was a good idea. It could be taken in so many different ways, and he was tired. The Spideys had kept him up for quite a while before he’d found Wade, so, comfortable under all of that broad muscle, he finally found some sleep, knocking out before he can finish that thought of concern over whether or not he needed to tell Wade right than that he wasn’t sure he wanted this relationship to stay just fake.

Wade grunted as he was suddenly knocked down with a spider clinging to him like he was the best blanket in the world. He did as asked, fixing the comforter, wrapping it gently around both of them as Peter snores softly then ran his rough fingers over the soft skin of Peter’s cheek, wincing at the contrast. 

“I’ll give you as many kisses as you’ll let me give you, Petey…” he whispered into the night where it would just disappear. Settling down, resting almost fully on Peter’s back again and snuggling into the warmth of the blankets, pillows, and Peter, Wade didn’t sleep as soundly as he would have liked, but he didn’t have nightmares so he would count it as a win. When the first bit of morning light started to shine through the blinds, Wade reluctantly ninja’d his way out of the bed. He didn’t want to disturb Peter, but he had to piss super bad and couldn’t lay around for a second longer. Once relieved he made himself useful heading down to the kitchen to make him and Peter some breakfast. There was just enough ingredients to whip up a batch of chocolate banana pancakes.

The Merc whistled as he cooked, feeling both light and heavy but happy. He definitely felt happy right now. The voices were quiet, he’d slept relatively well, and he’d woken up to the adorable sight of Peter sleeping snuggled into his chest. Today would be a good day.

[Way to jinx it.]

The phone on the wall in the kitchen started shrilling almost as soon as White had said it. It wasn’t long before Peter snatched up the twin phone on his nightstand up with a sleepy, “Hello?”

“Peter! Where the hell have you been? I’ve tried calling your house. Your cell! No one knew where you were! Classes start up again soon, and your company is in chaos! What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“Heeeey… Anna Marie. I uhm… ran into an old friend. And I told you, we’re not together anymor-”

She cut him right off. “That’s ridiculous PTSD nonsense, Peter! You’re not not dating me until I agree that you’re not dating me. Now stop being such a sissy and meet me for lunch.”

The little townhouse wasn’t that big so sound traveled pretty well through the thin walls. So when the phone started ringing, Wade had stopped cooking and listened. The inflection on Peter’s ‘hey’ was enough to have Wade skipping over to the phone hanging in the kitchen. He slowly picked it up, careful to make sure there was no click heard, and held it up to his ear. He listened silently, but rage bubbled under his skin in response to the way this chick was talking to his Peter. He bit down on his tongue, drawing blood, to keep from yelling. As soon as she mentioned lunch Wade had a better idea on how to handle this broad.

“Alright. You know what? I’ve gotta tell you something, and so I think we should talk. I’ll meet you in an hour.” The sound of Peter throwing back the sheets came across the phone, but Anna Marie had hung up. She knew Peter would know where to meet her. Sighing Peter padded to the bathroom, then to the dresser and pulled on regular clothes, nothing fancy. He had pretty much thrown out or donated most of the crap that Otto had collected and had more or less reclaimed his wardrobe.

“Wade?” he called, sounding a little uncertain.

Once Peter and the chick from hell had hung up Wade slowly did the same. He turned off the stove and leapt out the kitchen window before Peter called out to him. On the island there was a pretty decadent breakfast laid out that probably wouldn’t be eaten. It made Wade a little sad, but hopefully Petey would see it and smile.

Once he is back at his own apartment he debated between two possible outfits. He would either show up as Deadpool and really shock this chick, or he would show up barefaced and presentable. looking at least somewhat worthy of Peter. He was really torn between the two options. He didn’t like showing up anywhere without his mask, but he knew Peter wanted to keep his Spidey business under wraps, which would mean having a superpowered mercenary boyfriend was out of the question. So, Wade went for option two despite the voices cackling at him about his ugliness. He was dressed to impress with enough time to make it back to Peter’s to follow him to the restaurant he was meeting devil woman at. Wade didn’t want to interrupt right away, so he would let them start eating at least. Peter looked all kinds of fidgety though, and Wade couldn’t bare to watch him suffer through a second more of the scowls from the shorter woman.

Wade strolled into the restaurant, oozing confidence despite how small he felt after every gasped reaction to his face. He was wearing a crisp blue button down open over a white shirt. For a jacket he was rocking a very expensive looking grey blazer. It was one of the few decent pieces in his closet, thank you Inez for taking him shopping that one day. A dark wash pair of jeans and black hightop Converse complete the rather classy yet casual looking ensemble. He’d almost say he cleaned up good if it wasn’t for his face which was on full display. It made him itch feeling all those eyes on him, but this was for Peter. He walked up to Peter who had his back to him, laying a solid hand on his shoulder before humming, “Sorry I’m late, babe, but I couldn’t decide on what to wear.”

Anna Marie’s reaction was priceless. She hadn’t even tried not to look at Wade when he had first entered the restaurant. The chick actually grimaced and made a face of disgust right at him. So when he walked up and laid a hand on Peter’s shoulder, she was a little more than shocked.

“Peter please tell me he is a vet or something you met in one of those ridiculous PTSD meetings or support group things…”

When Wade hadn’t answered, Peter had gone looking only to find a full spread breakfast and a Wade-less apartment He hand’t been surprised. He’d eaten his share and Tupperwared the rest then gotten ready for this little farce. What he hadn’t expected was…this.

The look on Anna Marie’s face told him all he needed to know before Wade’s hand landed on his shoulder. His own hand went up immediately, like it was the most natural thing to touch and be touched by the man standing behind him. Tipping his head back, Peter grinned up into Wade’s face, taking in the puckered skin, hairless brows and scalp, and the warm, confident little smile on Wade’s face, and Peter felt his heart twitch with affection. All for him… Wade was baring his worst insecurities and it was all for him.

“Wade,” he returned, voice a warm greeting, and released Wade’s hand, twisting out of his seat to stand and face the other man. “You look great,” he added and stepped in close, tipping his chin up so he can meet Wade’s gaze. His brown eyes were soft and welcoming as they shared airspace.

“I’m glad you came,” he added sincerely and tugged at the lapels of the jacket. “You clean up nice,” he continued and swayed in a little closer, drawn in by that familiar broad-shouldered physique.

“Peter!”

That shrill voice broke the little spell that seeing Wade like this - so normal and almost smooth - had cast on Peter. Immediately he lost the enchanted look and dropped his head forward, his hair tickling Wade’s chin and throat. He sighed, licked his lips and turned. “Anna Marie, this is Wade, my former ex-boyfriend. Wade… Anna Marie. My ex-girlfriend.”

Peter saying his name was all he needed to find air again. He had felt paralyzed despite his very good acting just seconds ago. Now, with Peter standing and looking up at him like he was the sun, moon and every star in the sky, Wade could breath again. He could do this. For Peter he could do anything. His hands went straight to Peter’s hips as if pulled by gravity. His thumbs tucked under the hem of Peter’s shirt, stroking small reassuring circles on his back.

If he hadn’t hated this chick already, he would have hated her all over again now. She had broken their moment with a shrill disbelieving calling of Peter’s name. It made Wade wince because that was not how one said Baby Boy’s name. No one should make Peter’s name sound so wrong, but she had managed it. Wade had to keep himself in check, and he managed to not actually say anything, but a displeased growl rumbled through his chest, and hiis arms wrapped more securely around Peter as if he could protect him from this crazy lady. Well, he was protecting him in a way. Then Peter went about the introductions, and Wade can’t help but be smug. She was the ex and he was the current.

[Current (but fake) boyfriend.]

Wade’s lips pursed in response to White’s words, but he kept from talking back. Just barely. Instead, he focused on taking this Anna Marie down a few more pegs. “I would say it’s a pleasure to meet, but it’s not, and I don’t make a habit of lying even for stranger’s feelings. I’m here because I want you to stop calling Peter.” As Wade talked, he turned to face the table an arm still securely wrapped around Baby Boy. He even made a point of purring Peter’s name, saying it the way his name should be said. Filled with kindness and love and all the things that embodied Peter.

Anna Marie looked between them for a moment, from Wade’s scarred face to Peter’s steady expression and then she threw her head back and laughed. She ended up calming it down a bit after a moment and then finally let out a long sigh like she’d just laughed good and hard at a great joke. “Oh, Peter. Nice try.”

“It’s not a try, Anna Marie. Wade went away to… war. Now he’s back in town and the only reason we split before was because he felt he had to enlist. We agreed I wouldn’t wait for him, but if he came back and it was feasible, we’d pick up where we left off. So. You and I are done. Not that we weren’t already done but I need you to see that I’m very very serious about this. About he and I.”

As he spoke, he pulled out a chair for Wade to join them because he knew that this was going to be a debate or at least a bargaining. It sucked that Anna Marie was his head of his human resources department at Parker Industries among other positions, and that they shared classes. It was going to be impossible to get completely away from her.

Wade bristled and then very nearly deflated in response to Anna Marie’s laughter. Peter’s warmth at his side was the only thing keeping him upright at that point. Wade had used up almost all of his confidence just to get to the table. He also totally agreed with Anna Marie’s laughter. Looking like he did, there was no way he could ever get someone like Peter… then when you added in his crazy and unstable personality there really was no hope. How he made it into friend territory was going to forever be one of the nine wonders of the earth.

[I thought it was seven?]

{Nah, they added an eighth a while back…}

[Oh yeah? What is it?]

{Hell if I know.}

Wade slid into the chair Peter had pulled out for him while the voices chatted aimlessly in his head. Once his hands were hidden in his lap, they gripped at the thick fabric of his jeans giving away his nerves.

Anna Marie pointed to Wade her finely manicured hand looking far too beautiful in comparison to Wade’s tormented skin. “This is the best you could do? Seriously? Peter, you are relatively good looking, smart and rich thanks to your company. If you don’t bankrupt it. You could have easily found a pretty young and aspiring actress to play the part. Why’d you go for this guy? Figured you’d throw some money towards a no-doubt-homeless vet? The tag is still on his jacket. You dressed him up nice, but he is still just an actor. This boy scout routine is getting old. I’m all for doing good in the world but… this thing… I don’t know what to call it… this break down? Is getting ridiculous.”  
Peter wouldn’t have been surprised if the whole restaurant couldn’t hear his teeth grind.

“Anna Marie,” he growled, low and dangerous. Instead of sitting, he let both of his hands settle on Wade’s shoulders, stepping in close to the man’s back so that Wade’s shoulders were pressed to his abdomen. “Wade isn’t here because he’s acting. He’s here because I wanted you to understand that I’ve got something special that you can’t hold a candle to. I was going to be gentle about this, but you’re being so inappropriate I can’t even…”

He took a deep breath, controlling himself before he continued. “Wade and I have a lot of history. And if you call him anything other than his proper name one more time, you can start looking for another job. Your attitude right now isn’t very befitting of a Parker Industries employee.”

“Mmhm. Okay, Peter. Okay.” She was still fighting down laughter even as she watched Peter kiss Wade’s temple and finally take a seat.

“You have to stop calling me. We’re not a we any more. Wade’s moving in. We’re finally together again, and I’m not going to have a crazy stalker-ex ruining my life with him. Do you understand?”

On instinct he reached beneath the table and slipped a hand onto Wade’s thigh, hoping to keep the Merc calm while this woman proved herself to be so much worse than Peter thought her to be.

“I understand that you’re trying to bamboozle me with a very sad attempt to break free of a perfectly sensible relationship.”

“Sensible for who exactly?” Peter grumbled and leaned closer to Wade. “Wade, hun, do you want to go get something to eat somewhere else? I didn’t think she’d react like this. I’m so sorry.”

The grip on his shoulders while Peter had literally and metaphorically stood behind him had been grounding. The kiss to his temple had been even more so. He couldn’t help but sigh his eyes fluttering shut at the touch of Petey’s pretty pink lips to his so scarred skin. He could do this, he told himself firmly before opening his eyes again. Peter was angry. Wade could hear it in his voice, feel it in the strength he was just barely controlling in his grip on Wade’s shoulders. It was super hard to make Baby Boy angry. This chick must have said something horrible, but when Wade went over all her recent words he couldn’t figure out what exactly had set Peter off. Her words were annoying and biting, but no worse than what most people said. His hand went to the tag she had pointed out and ripped it from his jacket with a wince. He had tried so hard with this outfit and he had still fucked it up. Then the hands on his shoulders were gone, and he felt like he was floating away again. The sweet words Peter was saying felt like they weren’t actually for him but for the evil snake lady. To get her to go away. It was the warmth on his thigh that brought him back to the moment properly. He had been zoning out with the voices and Anna Marie’s words playing on a loop of negativity.

The brown eyes framed by pretty long eyelashes came into his line of sight, full of worry and remorse. He tried to smile for those eyes, so they would cheer up and stop looking quite so sad. It was probably a little broken, jagged around the edges because Wade didn’t have his mask and he really wanted his mask, but this was for Peter. He was feeling lightheaded. When was the last time he had taken a breath?

Gasping in a quick burst of oxygen, he said quietly, “I’m okay. It’s okay. I understand her doubt. It is pretty unbelievable from the outside looking in. Hah, even from the inside I’m having a hard time believing it. As long as she stops acting like she has mad cow disease we can finish lunch like civil adults.”

“Funny.” Anna Marie added between bites. Her eyes were still crinkled with amusement, but she was watching the two of them more closely than before.

Wade unclenched his hand from digging into his thigh muscle and found Peter’s fingers, weaving them together with his own. Breathing was coming a little more easily now, and he didn’t feel quite as panicky. He leaned in pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Peter’s lips to reassure him he could do this. What good would he be as a fake boyfriend if he couldn’t even make it through the lunch to convince the chick he was Peter’s one and only?

“Oh yeah! I’m a real comedian… but you realize your opinion of me doesn’t actually negate me and Petey’s relationship.” His voice cracked just minutely on the word relationship, but hopefully she wouldn’t notice. He looked her in the eyes and... oh shit, she’d noticed.

The way Anna Marie grinned made Wade’s skin crawl, “Relationship… right. Well if you are his boyfriend then I suppose you’ll be the one going with him to the charity dinner tonight. It’s a big press event for the whole of Parker Industries. We are announcing our new endeavors for the shareholders there. You’ll obviously have to be on Peter’s arm the whole night and you’ll need to be photographed together by the Daily Bugle and other fine New York prints.”

She turned to Peter still smiling and showing too much of her teeth for it to be friendly, “Who you have on your arm is important for these kinds of events. Are you sure you want to continue with this little farce? I mean, alright. I was rude earlier. I will admit when I am wrong, but you aren’t actually dating him. Is he really prepared to go so far for you? Even I can see how uncomfortable he is just sitting in this restaurant. How will he - Wade manage in front of all those cameras.”

The way she switched at the end to using Wade’s name like he wasn’t even there again made his skin crawl. There was something just so manipulative about how she talked. It was like the scientists back in Weapon X trying to program you to think a certain way. They always talked calm like she had been doing just then. He gripped Peter’s hand a little tighter, “Will you leave him alone if we go to this event together? I don’t want to, you’re right, but if I need to be there for Peter, I will be.”

The Cheshire Cat. That was who she was making Wade think of when she sat back and grinned like she’d won.

“Already looking for hoops to jump through in order to convince me? Desperate much? If I’m convinced, then sure. I’ll leave you and Peter alone.”

Peter was quiet for a long moment, staring Anna Marie down until Wade’s fingers tightening in his drew his attention. “What we do and don’t do from this point on isn’t really something you should concern yourself with,” he stated and then brought their joined hands out from under the table to kiss Wade’s knuckles. “We don’t have to talk about it now, Wade. You can decide later.”

Peter cast Anna Marie a dirty look and then flagged a waiter. “Check please.”

Anna Marie looked so incredibly smug as Peter signed for his card, but he just ignored her. He stood, tugging at Wade until the Merc was on his feet. He was actually really proud of Wade. If he’d come in costume, Anna Marie would be missing pieces of her self-esteem. Wade had an incredible mouth on him - one Peter was getting more and more familiar with - and maybe he’d even “come to know it better yet” before too long too. Once they were up, he nodded to Anna Marie. “I just wanted you to know that I am actually leaving you, and that it’s not some kind of mid-life crisis or PTSD freak out. I actually have what I want now.”

And how true that was he was coming to realize. Now he just had to turn things around and make Wade understand that he didn’t want to pretend any more.

“See you at the dinner. Tonight. Don’t be late. You’re company is already in trouble.”

She was just so smug. Peter really wanted to punch her. He refrained from doing more than glaring before he guided Wade out of there. He hadn’t expected the rescue, but “Am I ever glad you came, Wade,” he huffed once they were outside and Peter was hailing a taxi. “Are you okay?”

They were by-passed by two yellow cabs, and Peter turned his attention more fully to the Merc, reaching up to cup his cheeks and standing up a little taller so he could rest their foreheads together. “My hero…” he cooed. “God, you look really good in this. You should wear clothes like this more often… not that I don’t absolutely dig the red and black… or the hoodies and blue jeans… but Wade, you clean up nice.”

And yes… his hands had strayed while he was getting up in Wade’s space, dropping down to slide his hands into Wade’s back pockets. Public groping and displays of affection were part of the deal at least until Peter can make Wade understand that the deal isn’t necessary, and then it will be part of everyday life.

The fresh air helped so much. He gasped in a few needy breaths, like the restaurant didn’t have oxygen, as soon as he and Peter had stepped outside. He heard Peter saying something sweet and this time it was for him not for show so he smiled. Peter kept going though his hands on Wade’s cheeks, bringing their heads together. Wade took another deep inhale, sharing the same air with Peter. The compliments being threaded together for him just broaden his smile. Everything was quiet except for Peter, and it was perfect. Then his ass was being grabbed, and he raised a non existent eyebrow towards Peter.

“Baby Boy, you know we don’t have an audience right now. You don’t have to…” Wade swallowed down the negative words and instead went for logic. “I mean… You know we won’t ever get a cabbie to stop for us if we’re acting like a couple teens in heat. They already don’t like too stop cuz of my good looks. Better to not push our luck.”

Peter sighed, but he did step back though one hand still lingered at the small of the taller man’s back. “Fine. Fine.”

His grumpiness was wiped away as a cab finally stopped for them. Once he and Wade were in the cab, Peter sighed again, losing some of his victorious air. He reached over and gingerly laid a hand on Wade’s thigh. “You don’t have to go. You’ve done enough, Wade. More than I had hoped… and I thank you. You don’t have to do any more.”

Wade waved Peter off with a warm scoff. “Hey, the crazy chick is still bugging you. I am going to play this out to the end. Short of releasing a sex tape - which... you know? That might actually work. - I am down for anything. Besides I fill out a tux gooooood.”

Peter chuckled and then let his head fall back onto the backrest of the bench seat. His hand stayed there on Wade’s thigh, relaxed and unsupposing.

“Thank you. I mean it,” he added after a minute or two. His head rolled to the side, and he offered Wade a smile. “Do you have a tux?”

“Every man should own a tux, Petey.” Wade said a little offended that Peter had even asked him that question. Though after Wade answered he wondered if it was in a wearable state. He hadn’t pulled it out of his closet in a very, very long time. His hand landed loosely over Peter’s on his thigh, and he hummed contently from the contact.

“I don’t like the idea of having my picture taken. I don’t actually need to be in the shots though right? Right? Like they want the CEO not the arm candy… I can stand off to the side, can’t I?”

“From the photographer’s perspective, they’ll want any shot they can get of me and whomever I’m with.” Peter looked out the window for a long moment before continuing. “It’s one a hell of a story and no aspect of the media is going to want to miss a single part of it. I never exactly came out and for the last who knows how long, while Octavius was… y’know... “I” was with Anna Marie. It’s going to be a shock and a media frenzy. Parker Industries has been struggling lately. They’ll want to blame my changes in behavior, lack of attention to the company, everything that’s wrong on you. The Ben Foundation, thankfully, is still going strong, so at least that shouldn’t suffer from any of my recent screw-ups or from us going public.”

Peter flipped his hand and twined their fingers together. “Wade. Really. You don’t have to do this part. I know how you feel about everything from the cameras -” How could he not? Peter Parker had his camera smashed by a maskless, suit-tattered Deadpool way back in the early days, long before they’d really known each other - “To the boring cocktail party atmosphere -” The last time he and Wade had had to deal with something like that it had been for the Avengers and Wade had gone a little stir crazy (and by a “little” Peter meant that he’d challenged Thor to a contest of might via arm wrestling and kept coming back for more until Thor refused, and then Deadpool had moved on to the Hulk regardless of the fact that he kept breaking bones and tearing muscle… It had been brutal and a bit gruesome.) “To the fact that you’ll be exposed in front of everyone. That more than anything is why I’m telling you, I’ll be fine. We don’t have to win every battle. Anna Marie is like a shark. She saw how uncomfortable you were back there, and she wants to exploit that weakness. I would never ask you to do something like this because… well, see above several paragraphs of content on why I know it’s not for you.”

Peter paused and then tipped over to rest his head on Wade’s shoulder. “Thank you…for even considering it though. You’re… amazing.”

Wade knew that what he was thinking wasn’t the reason for Peter insisting that Wade didn’t have to go to the charity function that night because Peter had just explained all the real reason why, but he couldn’t stop his mind or his lips. His posture went stiff beneath the weight of Peter’s head, and he pulled his fingers free in an attempt at distance. “Well, I could understand why it’d be like that. I mean, coming out is one thing, actually going public that you are dating this…” He gestured vaguely at his face. “I could understand why you wouldn’t want to do that. Or how it’d complicate things… plus we bring this fake relationship into the public eye and we’ll have to fake break up too, and that’d be a mess.”

Wade laughed and the motion of his shoulder finally dislodged Peter’s head from his shoulder. Without the contact he felt like he was choking on toxic gas. Or maybe he was just choking on his own words that just wouldn’t stop. “I mean, I’ve dated people in secret before, and those were real, and they still didn’t wanna go public. This is just pretend, so of course you don’t want the front page of the newspaper to read, ‘Peter Parker goes from models to monsters! Is this why is company is falling apart?!’”

Peter was quiet for a long moment just studying Wade as he ran off at the mouth. After his exclamation, Peter fixed him with a very sly little look.

“So,” he began, a grin toying with his mouth. “I’ve got this horribly boring social function that I have to attend tonight. Wanna be my plus one and save me from the boredom?”

His intention was to offer a genuine invitation, to prove he was not in any way worried about what the rest of the world would think of him having Wade Wilson, AKA Deadpool on his arm. His only concern had truly been Wade’s feelings.

Wade stared out the window, watching the buildings and cars whoosh by, and it was a moment before he could bring himself to brokenly mumble a defeated, “I don’t think I can do it, Petey. I want to be there for you. Know that, but… I… those events are about being seen, and unless I have my mask… wait! Could I wear my mask? I’ll go if I can! I mean it’d be easy-peasy then.”

Peter blinked and then smirked. “Wade Wilson isn’t really a secret ID. Deadpool is known far and wide as Weapon X material, so I don’t see why not. The risk of the world at large figuring out that.”anyone else” is “anyone else” is minimal really.” He had dropped his voice to a low whisper, but now he spoke up. “I don’t care if they know I’m dating Deadpool. Spider-man will vouch for you, and you’re important to me. It’s up to you. I would like for you to come, but if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, I understand, and Anna Marie can suck it up.”

“Nope not secret at all,” Wade hummed as his mood was already starting to get cheerier. He was smiling big and genuine, which he hadn’t done since walking into that crowded restaurant. He turned and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Peter’s head not even caring about the scoff from the cabby. “I didn’t show up in the mask because I thought it was important not to, but Anna Marie is horrible. She can get a taste of her own medicine. Let it really sink in who she was insulting today at lunch.”

Wade smirked at the thought. The cab came to a stop, and he hurried his wallet out, paying before Peter could even suggest splitting the cost. Wade was still pretty confident his networth was more than Peter’s because he only ever spent his money on food and weapons supplies for the odd job he still took. He held the door open for Peter, adding smoothly, “I think my red and black mask looks rather fetching with my tux if I do say so myself.”

“I can imagine,” Peter chuckled, sliding out. He looped his arm casually around Deadpool’s waist as they made they’re way into the Parker home. “So, think you’ll at least be comfortable rolling it up for posing for kisses? You know they’re going to badger for it. And Anna Marie will be expecting it. I’m only asking, so I know where to draw the line.”

He wasn’t worried about “fake break-ups” enough to acknowledge that Wade had brought it up. He had reached the point this afternoon, after Wade coming in sans-mask, that he no longer had any intention of ending anything but the conditional statement of “fake” preceding boyfriends.

Wade chuckled a little shyly still trying to wrap his brain around Peter’s willingness to kiss his ugly mug. His mind drifted to last night’s activities, and he reminded himself that he wasn’t just okay with kissing either. The voices couldn’t even talk back because it was true. The arm around his waist was just another reminder of how good he had it.

[Fake has it. FAKE.]

{Man, soak it up. Tonight’s gonna be your last night probably.}

[We should totally pressure him into prom sex tonight.]

Wade groaned and swatted at the air above his head angrily. He eventually calmed down when Peter went to open the door still patiently waiting for Wade to answer his earlier inquiry. “No promises I’ll keep it rated PG. It’ll be easier if I can just get lost in the kiss. Plus you know I gotta get my fill before this is all over.”

“Wade, about that-” but Peter’s phone cut him off and when he looked up, Wade was already gone. Presumably the Merc had headed back to his place for his tux, mask and gear (whatever he could carry). Peter sighed and answered the phone with a cheery, “Hey, Aunt May. How are you?”

—–That Night—–

Peter adjusted his tie one last time and then headed downstairs. He was busily texting Wade a quick, ‘How much longer will you be?’ and trying to quell the butterflies. At this point he’d have to wait until after the function to talk to Wade about the whole not-fake boyfriends thing. No sense rocking the boat before something stressful.

“Were the flowers too much?”

{ **Nah** , of course not!}

[The teddy bear might be though…]

“You think?”

The voices didn’t have a chance to reply though because Peter was on his way down the stairs. Wade had let himself in when he had gotten back. He had on his nice tux that hadn’t gotten action in quite a few years, but thankfully it still fit and had no holes or tags. He had made sure to double check. He hadn’t put his mask on quite yet because Peter had said he looked good earlier maybe he would say it again. So he waited for Peter to catch sight of him a bouquet of red roses and a teddy bear rocking a Deadpool outfit in hand. “Heya, Peter! Looking snazzy, Baby Boy. Better be careful, I might not let you leave with you looking that good.”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that. He trotted down the last few steps and B-lined for the bear.

“How’d you find one with your suit!?” he exclaimed, snatching the bear out of Wade’s hands to look it over. He grinned and leaned in to kiss Wade on the mouth, the bear settling against Wade’s hip while Peter’s free hand alighted on Wade’s chest a moment. He drew back just a bit, meeting Wade’s gaze with bedroom eyes and murmured, “You ain’t so bad looking yourself, Tiger.”

And then he winked and stepped back. “Put those in water so I can put him -” he waggled the bear at Wade “- upstairs? Then we can go.”

Wade’s hand now free of the teddy bear went straight to the back of his neck the gesture one of shyness. “I uh... made it. The whole thing I mean… bear and all. I didn’t just do it today though… I mean, I finished it today.” The light touches and warmth of Peter’s body being so close just pushed Wade on as he rambled along aimlessly. He sucked in a quick breath when Peter gave him instructions for the flowers. Smiling as he headed to the kitchen he hummed to the boxes contentedly, “He said I look good.”

{He’s too good for us.}

[Yup. Especially cuz he isn’t ours.]

“White. Yellow’s on board. Why you gotta be such a wet blanket?” Wade huffed as he turned on the water and hunted for a vase. He smiled over his shoulder when he heard Peter come back downstairs. Placing the flowers on the center of the kitchen island, Wade walked over to his Petey-pie arms reaching out for the slighter man. Finding his hips, Wade leaned down and pressed a slightly steamy kiss to Peter’s lips.

“Gotta warm up. You know, practice for the cameras,” he huffed out hotly against delectable lips.

“Wade….” Peter laughed a little breathlessly. “We’re probably going to have to cool it down for the cameras given our previous experiences,” he added against Wade’s lips, but kissed him again, lingering for a long moment. “Let’s get this business over with…hm?”

Wade whined like a petulant child in response to Peter shutting down the kisses. It wasn’t serious though, just playful and light. He pulled his mask from his pocket and pulled it over his eyes then down further, covering his chin, sighing with relief once it was in place. Despite feeling comfortable with Peter, he would always feel better with his mask on.

“Okay, Baby Boy. Lead on. Let’s go wow them.”

“After you,” Peter teased in a fake gentlemanly voice and bowed with a gesture to send Wade towards the door. Peter was grateful now that he’d rented a car for this. A limo would have been too much, and a cab would have been ridiculous. As they neared the curb, Peter stepped up and opened the door for Wade, gesturing him inside. “Your chariot.”

Wade giggled like a schoolgirl at the way Peter was acting, opening doors and such for him like he was something special. Wade appropriately gushed and swooned at every one of Peter’s gestures. He settled into the passenger seat and smiled warmly at Peter the big grin showing through the fabric of his mask. “What a gentleman! You know how to make a gal feel like a lady. I’m swooning, my dear Petey-pie.”

The light fun feel the evening had going for it drifted away with every block closer to the venue they got. Wade tried not to fidget or to give Peter any hint to his nerves, but he knew that he wasn’t hiding them well. As they pulled up to the glitzy party, he gawked at all the flashing cameras. He almost ran away right there, but then he spotted snake lady and remembered why he was there in the first place.

He pushed his door open and stepped out of the car, striking a Marilyn Monroe with her skirt being blown up by the air from a grate pose. Once a few clicks of from the camera flashes had gone off and Peter was at his side he turned his masked white eyes on Anna Marie, smirking at her cockily. He waved at her one finger at a time before rolling his mask up over his nose. The action showed off his scars, letting her know it was in fact him under the trademark mask and then he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Peter’s temple. 

Peter just kept smiling, shaking his head in fond amusement at Wade’s antics before stepping up beside him. He accepted the kiss, ignoring the bulbs flashing all around them and rested his forehead against Wade’s jaw.

“Thank you,” he murmured so that only Wade could hear him. “Just a few hours and then we’re home free.”

And then he led them both inside despite the submissive position he’d taken with his hand in the crook of Wade’s elbow. He smiled and nodded to people, but it was obvious he wasn’t comfortable there. Peter seated them and then conversed with the waiters about their choice of dish before he was descended on by the media asking things like “who is this?” and “what about Anna Marie?”

Peter held up a hand to slow the bombardment. “This is Wade Wilson, former member of Weapon X. Yes, the same Canadian program that is partially responsible for Wolverine. You may know him by the title Deadpool. Don’t worry…the only thing on his hitlist tonight is my boredom and the menu. Anna Marie and I… just weren’t working out. We took a break, and this is where I’m happy. With him.”

“Mr. Wilson? What do you have to say about this? We’ve all heard you’re not the dating sort! What changed?”

“Someone wanted to date me,” Wade answered honestly, but also felt the weight of those words because Peter really wasn’t actually dating him. Peter didn’t truly want Wade in that way. He was his friend and that had been enough, but now he’d had a taste of what it was like to have Peter, to feel wanted by Peter, and Wade wasn’t sure anything less would ever be enough now. He smiled through his mask and continued on as if he weren’t so troubled because when Deadpool wanted to hide from his feelings he started cracking jokes. “That and I’ve always wanted to be somebody’s arm candy! You know, a good ole fashioned, kept woman?”

The reporters aren’t sure what to do with that until Petey chuckled quietly from Wade’s side. Then they all chuckled as well and after a few more questions, which Peter handled, they move on.

The dinner portion of the evening went swimmingly. At their table was seated the sweetest little old lady that Wade charmed with jokes and manners most didn’t know he had. It was during dessert that it went down hill. Wade’s phone beeped with a message and he excused himself to go read it.

 **[Text from: Stirrups, Boobs and Booty]** _Wade Darlin’! I was wondering if y’all’d be up for swinging by my place tonight? I have an itch only you can scratch._

Wade reread the message four times before swallowing down his guilt and replying positively to her request. He had probably about thirty more minutes of pretending Peter was his, and then it was over. They might have to fake break up somewhere down the road, but tonight really was the end. Anna Marie was convinced - well, more shaking in her pumps because she had insulted Deadpool - so she would be leaving Peter alone now. Maybe a good bone breaking romp with Inez would help Wade wash the feel of Peter from his skin. Break his heart and his pelvis all in one go. He was scum anyways, and it wasn’t like it would actually be cheating even if it felt a little like that.

He couldn’t enjoy the rest of the evening, and Esther, or Essie as Wade had gone about calling her, had even noticed the change in his behaviour. She had fussed over him and asked him a few times if he was alright. Wade just shook his head. Wade didn’t enjoy his last moments with Peter at all aware of where he was going as soon as the evening fell to a close. Not wanting to ride in the car with Peter, he slipped away when the press trapped Peter one last time at the door.

Wade abandoned the tux for his typical red and black on the way to Inez’s place, silently drowning in the boxes insults. They were mad that he had just left Spidey there hanging like that, but also a little excited about getting laid. It was a disturbing back and forth, and it made Wade feel nauseous. White thought that being broken to pieces from sex a fitting punishment for his ‘fucked up’ness. Yellow kept snickering and repeating ‘death by snooze snooze’ over and over. It was a crazy mess and before he knew it he was climbing into Inez’s apartment through her window.

Peter had no idea where Wade had gotten off to. He’d searched the place from top to bottom and then, when that got him nowhere, he’d waited an hour for Wade to turn up. One of the reporters had asked what he was waiting for, and Peter had sighed and acknowledged that he was beginning to suspect Deadpool had had a call to action. “Essie,” overhearing it all despite her supposed hearing loss, had tottered on by with her man servant’s help saying something to the effect of Heroes and their loved ones being a rare and stalwart breed.

It was at that moment that a little voice over his left shoulder whispered.

^He bailed. You know he bailed. If it was something important, he’d have found a way to let you know so you could bail too.^

(Well, the agreement was just to borrow his time until Anna Marie was convinced…)

Peter stiffened as he turned from the few lingering function-goers and climbed into the rental car he’d have to return in the morning.

^Did we really expect anything more from him?^

Peter grit his teeth and didn’t answer Devil-Spidey. They’d been so quiet, he’d almost thought himself free of them. Then again his stress levels were up so should he really be surprised that they’d popped back up again?

(You can’t tell us you didn’t feel the chemistry too.)

Angel-Spidey was right. There had been chemistry. It couldn’t have all been faked. He’d give Wade tonight then give his phone a call in the morning. Both Spideys must have been pleased or at least content with that because neither protested, though they hovered silently at the edges of his vision for the whole ride home.

—–The Next Morning—–

“WADE!” Finally having had enough of the buzzing phone, and Wade’s pained moans even while he was sleeping, Inez finally smacked him hard with one of the multitudes of pillows from her side of the bed. She had only let him stay the night for two reasons: he couldn’t walk, and she might get a round four come morning. Satisfied that the pillow had served as a better wake-up call than the vibrating phone on the nightstand on that side, Inez got up and walked into the bathroom to clean up while Wade took care of the phone and hopefully finished healing.

Wade groaned over being woken with a smack to the face and as he moved to grab his phone a wave of pain washed through his whole body. His pelvis was taking longer to heal this time around. Well, actually, it took longer to heal period, but that last round had really done him in. He picked up his phone and answered with the pain still clear in his voice.

“‘Ello?” he croaked out roughly and then he heard who was on the other end. It was Peter and the blood rushed from Wade’s face. He felt sick. Immediately he hung up on poor Peter and then stared at his phone for a few moments.  


[Waiting for him to call again?]

{He won’t you know. Why would he?}

His phone rang again before he could retort and the cute smiling face of his -

[Not yours.]

\- Peter came up on the screen. He answered it again, doing a better job of hiding the pain in his voice this time. “Baby Boy? To what do I owe this wake up call?”

Had it been anyone else Peter might have let it go and left it alone, but Deadpool never turned Spidey away, so Peter called him right back. “I waited for you last night, you know. If you had business, you should have left me a text. Are you healing up at your apartment? I can head over and bring you some Mexican and some PBR or Labott’s.”

That sick feeling just got worse as Peter spoke. His voice was so sweet and worried, like Wade actually mattered. He swallowed down the lump in his throat hoping to find the right words.

[Hah! You? Say the right thing? Never gonna happen.]

{You’re probably just gonna blab the whole truth out, and Peter is gonna hang up on you.}

“Am not!” he wheezed out angrily at the voices and then inhaled sharply because being angry and loud hurt. “Sorry, Baby Boy. It wasn’t anything like that. Just a regular booty call hit me up last night, and I figured we were all done anyways. Didn’t mean to make you worry.”

Then Wade cursed the voices because he hadn’t meant to say any of that. He should have lied and acted like he had done some hero’ing and then asked Peter to kiss him all better.

[Yeah. No more Peter kisses for you anymore remember?]

{ **Haha!** Told you that’s what you would do! }

Peter was silent for a long moment. There was just one thing - on Wade’s end - that didn’t jive with that statement. Wade was in pain. Not the “it’ll heal, whatever” kind of pain, but the “long process because major things were in pieces” kind of pain. Peter felt the beginning of a rage he hadn’t felt in a long time coming over him. His shoulder Spideys were there but silent like they too weren’t okay with the answer he was about to ask for. “Then why do you sound like you’re caught in one of your long heals, Wade... if you just answered a booty call?”

Because - Peter realized - he actually did know the difference. He’d put the “whatever” kind of hurt on Wade himself a time or two. And he’d been around for a few of the long-heals a time or two as well. And it took a lot to put the mercenary into one of those. Peter’s guts were felt twisted and heavy, but he wasn’t mad at Wade. He had never told Wade he didn’t want them to be fake anymore, or that he actually didn’t want them to end. That was on Peter not Wade. Wade’s pain though was on whoever was there with him… and Peter was not happy about it.

Wade groaned, trying to adjust the pillow near his legs that had been helping support his hips earlier, encouraging the healing of his bones. They still felt more like mush than bone yet though. He tilted his head to the side and sucked in a sharp breath because Peter knew he wasn’t just kind of in pain but really hurting just from hearing him talk. It warmed Wade up, and he stuttered over his answer. “O-Oh. Oh. Well, you know, Inez. Super strength and the big O don’t generally… I mean…”

Just then as if to save Wade from his own mouth or maybe to make it worse, which was more likely the case in Wade’s universe, Inez came out of the washroom, humming loud enough that Peter could hear her, “Wade, darlin’, you all healed up yet? I’m itching for round four.”

Peter had never heard his own voice sound quite so vicious before as he growled into the phone, “Tell her no. And tell me the address. Now.”

He was fuming. Super strength was no excuse for destroying your partner. Had Wade been anyone else, he’d be dead. As it was, Wade was clearly, obviously in pain, and Outlaw - yes he knew exactly who she was - was acting as if Wade needing to heal was a damn inconvenience. He had rarely felt this level of fury. “Wade. Now.”

“I.. wah.. uh.. I..” Wade stuttered, completely caught off guard by Peter’s fury. He didn’t understand why Spidey was angry. It wasn’t directed at him, and it was clearly the super “seeing red” kind of angry. Wade didn’t think Spider-man ever even got that angry at his villains, so why was he so angry now. Eventually his words started working again, and he rambled off Inez’s address. She was looking at him less than impressed, but angry Spider-man was scarier than angry Outlaw bar none. 

“You tell her no,” Peter repeated and then added, “I’ll be there in ten minutes as the spider slings.”

And then he hung up and changed into his costume. Thankfully there was a balcony to land on and he pushed right through the balcony doors. Inez was staring down at a prone Wade, her arms folded as she asked, “Is it taking this long for a reason, sugar? Or is this sudden reluctance on purpose? Did it have to do with-”

“Me. It has to do with me,” Peter stated firmly, strolling in rather than spidering along the ceiling. He was too fucking serious for the hilarity of it. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Inez cocked a brow at the intrusion of none other than Spider-man. She had known Wade had a crush on the young superhero, but that they were close enough for him to come swinging for Wade was a shock. She turned to the red and blue spandexed man, clearly annoyed. “Wrong with me? You’re the one intruding. This is my place and obviously you didn’t want him, so why can’t I use him for a bit?”

Wade’s eyes looked anywhere and everywhere but at Spidey. He still didn’t understand why Petey was there, and he still couldn’t really move. Wade struggled to sit up more, whining at the pain shooting through him, but he needed to see what was happening. His not so common sense was tingling in a very not good way. 

“Use him?”

It was meant to be rhetorical, but apparently Inez wasn’t keen on inflection because her immediate response was, “Yeah. Y'all have the super strength thing to, right? You know how much of a pain it is to hold back all the time. Wade likes things a bit rough, and you can break the hell out of him no big deal. Ain’t that right, big boy?”

It was the coo in her voice after saying such a harsh and insensitive thing that made him snap. Peter stepped right up to her irritated that she couldn’t see his face, so he let his rage boil over into his voice, lacing it thoroughly with disgust. “He’s not a thing to be used, you heartless hussy. Wade Wilson is my friend. He’s my very insecure, very self-critical, very beaten down by the world friend, who was about to find out he means quite a bit more to me than that except that he ran off before we could talk about it.”

Cricking his head to the side those big white mask eyes settled on Wade, and Peter’s tone was much gentler as he said, “Heal up. We’re going home as soon as you can travel.”

And then he looked to Inez who was frowning at him. “If you ever call him like this again, I will show you what super strength is really for. I rarely get to put mine to the test. I’d love to test my limits.”

Wade had winced at Inez’s words even muttering quietly, “I don’t like it rough…” the words coming out his mouth before he could stop them. He didn’t though. He hated it rough like last night had been. The way Peter kissed him was gentle. The way Petey took his time and made Wade feel as good as he did, the way Baby Boy asked him if it was okay, for his permission… that was what he’d always wanted. He could feel the dampness on his cheeks before he realized he had started crying. The tears weren’t showing through his mask, but the quiet sobs gave him away,

“Damnit!” he whined his hand flying up to his face, hiding his shame because even with the mask on he felt exposed. He pushed himself up so he was sitting. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he ground his teeth, pushing through the pain to stand up and headed for the front door, knowing he couldn’t handle a drop right now, making any of the windows non-options. If Peter could have seen his eyes under the mask, he would have seen that they were as vacant as when he had found Wade in the jungle a couple nights ago.

The words and depth of Peter’s feelings were ramming against the walls Wade had pulled up around himself so quickly it’d give a normal person whiplash, made him feel lost and out of his depth. His brain didn’t even registering Spidey was there any more because he couldn’t… just couldn’t deal with any of this right now. Wade just blocked him out completely. He felt dirty and Peter was pure and good and more than he deserved. There was no way he was there, saying exactly what Wade wanted to hear him to say.

“Sorry about round four, Inez. Think I’mma hafta call off our little booty call thing. Home. Right. That’s a good idea. I think it’s about time I get outta here.” His voice was strained with pain but he also sounded chirper and hyper, obviously falling back into old habits.

Inez looked to Spidey a little horrified, but she wasn’t any kind of pushover herself. She bristled and was about to reply with her own threat when Wade started to get up. Even she could see something was wrong, and her lips thinned into a tight line.

“Wade darlin?” she inquired softly, but he was already at the door and leaving. She looked back to Spider-man a little lost on what to say now. The momentary blank didn’t last long as she tossed to Spider-man a harsh, “Sure, I broke his bod,y but I think you broke something worse.”

“Forgive the three year old in me, but you started it,” he snapped and then trotted after Wade.

“Hey, Poolparty,” he called, voice gentle. He was hoping the nickname would catch Wade’s attention in a positive way. “Wait up.”

He swung around in front of Wade, halting his progress by blocking his path. “Hey…hey hey.”

To quickly stop Wade altogether Peter reached up cradling his masked face in both hands. “I was trying to say that you’re too hard on yourself, and I wanted to tell you last night that I didn’t want to be fake boyfriends any more because I’d rather be real ones. Inez shouldn’t treat you like a literal fuck toy, Wade. I’d have hit her if she wasn’t a she.”

His heart was in shreds, knowing Wade was trying to escape despite his pain. He had to at least stop him from hurting himself more even if the man himself wasn’t ready to listen.

Wade blinked. Not a normal speed blink, but he closed his eyes counted to three and opened then again then counted to three and repeated the process. He felt like he was waking up from a very very crappy hangover sleep. The soft touch to his cheeks was burning him with gentleness despite the layers of fabric between his face and Peter’s hands. Wade was kind of grateful for his mask right then because he was certain he looked like utter crap underneath all the leather and spandex.

Licking his lips, Wade noted that his tongue felt too big for his mouth, and that his legs hurt and were beginning to wobble beneath him, barely holding him up. Eventually the blue, red, and big Spidey eyes registered and he whispered quietly, “Petey?”

He knew using the wall-crawler’s actual name right then was probably not good, but he needed to. His voice cracked as he started to ramble out a never ending apology. Eventually the ‘I’m sorry’s’ and ‘I’m a piece of shit’s turned into incoherent babbling except for one phrase, “I wanna go home.” 

Peter reached up and pulled Wade’s head down to his shoulder, holding him while he babbled through whatever it was he felt the need to purge, and then Peter hugged his shoulders tight and murmured a gentle, “I’m right here, Wade. Think you can hold onto my neck if I web a belt around us. I don’t want to jostle you, but slinging is faster than a cab and the faster your home safe the happier better we’ll both feel.”

He would worry about everything else later. If Wade wanted to go home, home they would go. “We can set up a nice hot bath. That should help with the bone regrowth, yeah? It’ll soothe the aches at least. What do you say?”

Wade nodded against Peter’s shoulder over and over again. It wasn’t an actual clear answer, but Peter apparently spoke incoherent-and-broken-Wade because he had them swinging through the skies in no time. He tried to keep his noises of pain to a minimum so Peter wouldn’t feel bad about jostling him. He was healing so slow right now, and he just wanted to get better so his brain wasn’t clouded with pain any longer. He might have passed out during the trip because the next moment he remembered he was watching the warm steam start to drift upwards from the water filling the bathtub of the master en suite bathroom in the Parker home. He was crumpled on the floor while Peter was on the toilet lid, testing the water with an ungloved hand. Wade watched for a moment before finally asking, “Why’re you here?” 

“Because I’m looking after you. You’re hurt.” Peter answered matter-of-factly, maskless and gloveless as he tested the water to make sure it was comfortable. “I want you to get better and then we can discuss being real boyfriends, okay?”

Wade’s tongue and mind were still foggy and making connections and words he wouldn’t normally say in these circumstances. Like his response to Peter’s words on real boyfriends: “Was never nothing but real Petey. I‘ve loved you since forever.”

Peter tsked and moved over to kneel between Wade’s spread legs. He pulled Wade’s head forward, resting their foreheads together.

“Wade,” he drawled affectionately and then he hummed. “May I take your suit off? And your mask? So you can soak away the pain, and I can sanitize your costume. The bath’s ready for you if you’re ready for it.”

“I... yeah. Yeah, okay. Will you stay though? You need to stay…” Wade’s voice was too small and he winced at how needy he sounded. He didn’t really want Peter in there with him. He was probably covered in all kinds of grossness. He just wanted Peter there by his side. Trying to joke Wade added, “You could play nurse and wash my back…” 

“I’m not going anywhere, Wade. I promise,” Peter murmured and very gently started in on Wade’s belts and boots, then his gloves and shirt. He knew how Wade felt about his face, so he pulled the man’s pants off first then finally slipped his fingers under the mask. To that point he’d used super strength to manipulate Wade carefully and efficiently, but now his fingertips were extra light.

“You’re just going to lay back, relax, and let me take care of you. I grabbed up a nice sponge and put some bath salts in for you and everything. I remember that you said you liked that sort of thing, so just relax. And let me take this… if you’re still okay with it?”

Wade was compliant as Peter stripped him out of his suit. Only moving when Peter needed him to move or adjust to make it easier to take the clothes off. Then Peter’s fingers slid under the mask to remove it, and Wade’s hands flew to Peter’s wrists. They were gentle though, his thumbs stroking over the gentle thrum of Peter’s pulse on his wrists. He let his mask get pushed up slowly and once his lips are freed from the fabric, he pulled one of Peter’s hands over. The gentlest of kisses was pressed against the tender skin of the inside of Peter’s wrist, replacing Wade’s thumb. He purred against the skin.

“You are my everything. I’d rip myself apart in order to help you, Peter. You are too good. Too much. So much more than I’ll ever deserve. Having you in my life is like... it’s like karma made a mistake. I got someone else’s good vibes because no way do I… I just… Petey, Baby Boy… I love you so much and you kissed me and touched me like you really wanted me…” Wade’s voice cracked and a few stray tears slipped down his cheeks. The warm salt water settling where Peter’s hands still rested against Wade’s cheeks. He let the rest of his mask get pushed up past his eyes and off his head the watery tears brightening his already too blue eyes. “I’ve never wanted something so badly in my whole life…” 

Peter swallowed the lump in his throat. It took a few tries, but he eventually managed to say, his voice clicking, “I’ve been falling in love with you so gradually... I didn’t even notice, but these last few days…”

Peter shook his head and leaned in to kiss Wade tenderly, pulling back enough to whisper, “Let’s get you cleaned up and healed up, and then we can make moon eyes at each other okay? It’s killing me to see you like this.“

Wade nodded and moved to get up into the tub. His stumbled attempt is quickly caught by Peter and with the Webhead’s help he managed to sink into the warm water with a satisfied groan. With every touch from Peter, Wade’s healing was getting a little surge of power. He was feeling much better than he had who knew how long ago at Inez’s. The only bad thing about being in less pain was he was in more control of his mouth. So instead of gushing more loving words, he brushed Peter’s concern off with a quick, “I’m okay, Petey. Really… it happens.”

“Not any more. **None of this.** None of this is happening ever again. I’m your Huckleberry, Wade Wilson. You want booty? You call me. You want mint chocolate chip ice cream and chick flicks? You call me. You want a lift home? You call me. Understand?” He helped Wade settle in the water, stripped off the Spidey boots and shirt, and grabbed up the sponge. “Anywhere I should be careful of?”

Wade tried to smile, and he might have just managed it this time because it wasn’t an attempt at fake warmth. It wasn’t an attempt to cover up his wounds. He was actually being stitched back together, and it felt good. He still felt broken and wrong, but Peter was working on it. He would be a hard fix. Good thing the kid was stubborn.

Leaning against the tiled wall furthest from Peter, he tilted his head to take in his Webheaded hero boyfriend.

{I’m still not convinced we didn’t hallucinate that.}

No better way to double check that to ask. “I’m healing. Your hands feel nice, makes it better. Hey, Baby Boy? Am I… are you mine? Like boyfriends for keeps now?”

Peter chuckled and his smile was affectionate as he half stood, stuck his palms to the edge of the tub and playfully leaned forward to kiss Wade again.

“I’m yours. You’re mine. For keeps,” he confirmed and Eskimo kissed him just to be goofy.

Wade reflected the playful Eskimo kiss back, smiling big and broad.

[You know. He is taking care of us right after we basically cheated on him.]

{Seriously. Way too good for us. We are gonna fuck this up.}

“Probably,” Wade admitted quietly before searching Peter’s eyes. He didn’t look hurt or betrayed even after what Wade had done. “Why were you so angry before? I mean, it didn’t feel like you were angry at me even though I basically cheated on you. I don’t get it though.”

“Let’s get one thing straight right now,” Peter stated voice still low and yet his voice was much more firm than it had been since they’d left Inez standing broodingly in her bedroom. “You didn’t cheat because at the time we weren’t real boyfriends. We were still fake boyfriends. To answer your other question, I was angry at Outlaw. Super strength is absolutely no excuse to hurt anyone. Ever. If I thought like her… most of my enemies would be in graves instead of jail cells right now.”

Peter shook his head and then sat back, grabbing up the sponge again and actually starting to stroke it gently over Wade’s shoulders and chest. “This okay?”

Wade nodded still not really getting it. Didn’t people with super strength just kinda lose it when they let go during sex. Though, when he thought back over his little moment with Peter when they had both gotten off, Peter wasn’t like anything he’d ever encountered before. There was a gentle kindness to his love making. Wade’s brain stuttered. That was the difference. It wasn’t sex with Peter. It was deeper and more important, and he would never hurt Wade. He nodded lost in that thought for a moment. Lost in that warm, fuzzy feeling he remembered from long lost childhood memories. Peter treasured him. “It’s more than okay…”

“Okay,” Peter confirmed and went about wiping Wade down all over. He didn’t even hesitate when it came to Wade’s feet or his junk. Peter just washed him until he was satisfied that Wade was clean. Then he rinsed the sponge off thoroughly in the sink and wiped Wade’s, head, face and neck with a soft, damp, warm washcloth. “How’s those old bones doing?”

“Well… Technically they’re all mostly new bones… if you wanna get technical that is,” Wade chuckles as he stood by himself the earlier unsteadiness all but gone. He grabbed the towel hanging nearby and wrapped it around his waist. He stepped out of the tub and scooped Peter up into a dripping wet hug then pressed a kiss to Peter’s temple, then his cheek, his jaw and finally pressed a soft kiss to those perfect pink lips. “Thanks, Baby Boy. I’m feeling much better.”

“Good.” Peter grounds out, squished by Wade like he was he couldn’t help but clench his teeth, but he was smiling, clearly enjoying the closeness. “Now, let’s go take a nap. I’m exhausted. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

Sighing tiredly, Peter slipped out of Wade’s grip, fatigue starting to finally show. He had stamina sure, but he had been up all night worrying about Wade. At that point, he slipped out of his Spidey-pants too and just gathered everything up. He had no reason to be bashful around Wade, they were both men, they’d already jerked each other off, and it wouldn’t be long before they’d be doing more than that. Spidey suit in one hand and the boots in his other, Peter turned and nodded towards the bedroom. “This way to nap time.”

And then he followed his own direction, strolling out into the bedroom from the en suite.

Wade was reluctant to let Peter go, but the man did make sense. A nap sounded like heaven right then and a nap curled up next to Peter sounded even better. He quickly dried himself off and padded to the bed without a second thought to his state of undress. He hid under the blankets pulling them up to just below his chin, so Peter wasn’t seeing his skin that way but he could still cuddle skin to skin with his boyfriend.

It wasn’t long before Peter was sliding into bed beside Wade. He had just had to tuck the Spidey suit away where it was safe and hidden. Turning toward the larger man, Peter scooted close and stretched an arm across Wade’s stalwart chest. “You have to tell me if I ever hurt you. I won’t do it intentionally, of course, but I’m not perfect, and i wouldn’t want to … well, you know what I mean.”

Peter snuggled in close and sighed contently. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but things just didn’t seem to be working out for that, and then you were gone. I’m sorry that Inez was so cruel and heartless towards you, Wade. I swear to you I will never, ever hurt you, especially not like that…”

A small shudder went through him at just the thought.

Wade sighed under the weight of Peter’s arm, and he instinctively pulled his lover in closer. Snaking an arm under the pillow and around Peter’s back, he listened carefully to what Peter was saying. He nodded a little uncertainly before adding sleepily, “Me too… I mean about the hurting. I would never do something intentional, but I’m messed up, Petey, and you gotta tell me when I do wrong.”

“I think our history has proven, I’m more than enough man to admit - and enforce - when you’re wrong,” Peter chuckled and snuggled in closer, sliding a leg up and bending it over Wade’s nearest thigh. His heel he tucked into the muscle of Wade’s calf and then he settled.

“Feeling better?” he prompted again because right now he had a feeling that it was crucial Wade know he cared that much.

Wade chuckled the action shaking them both lightly. It was true. Spidey could handle himself. Then upon being asked on his well being again, Wade sank into the warmth of Petey’s body and the comfort of the fluffy pillows and blanket. He smiled up at the roof thinking for a moment before answering, “I’ve never felt so good or so loved in all my life, Peter. Thank you. I won’t ever deserve you, but I won’t ever give you up either.”

“Hey.” Peter reached up and flicked Wade lightly in the nose without ever even looking, his sense of proprioception eerie. “It’s not about ‘deserving’…and even if it was I think the universe owes you. I know what you did with Cable - tool that he is - so no more self-negative babble from you. Okay?”

And then that hand lowered again, Peter’s arm brushing over Wade’s sternum as he caressed the backs of his fingers back and forth along the mercenary’s taut obliques under the textured skin of Wade’s far side. The muscles under his hand were firm, the skin ridged and furrowed, but soft from the recent bath with those salts.

“Maybe after we nap, we can try some lotion on your skin…” he murmured obviously drowsing. “Might help y'know?”

Wade scrunched his face at being flicked by Peter, but nodded obediently to his words. He still didn’t think he deserved Peter, but he’ll drop it for now because this moment was too good to argue over Wade’s sins. The warm touch of his lover’s hands against his skin gave him goose bumps that run the length of his spine and he chuckled at the prospect of Peter taking care of his skin. “Sure, Baby Boy. I can also think of other good uses for lotion when we wake up.”

Peter chuckled and kissed a particularly thick knot of skin over Wade’s heart. Doubtless it was a worse scar there because of all the idiots who thought a head or heart shot would stop their problems with even Deadpool. How wrong they were…

“I think that’s one of the best suggestions you’ve offered me yet,” Peter teased and snuggled in. “Sleep, Wade. Bedsheet acrobatics can wait until I’ve had my nap.”

**_Fin_ **


End file.
